So I don't think this will be quite as long as the others because my life is crazy and I should be packing. Yes, packing. We found out about a week and a half ago that our landlord pulled the plug on our month-to-month contract and wants us out by Nov. 30th. Of course, we're not going to WAIT that long because baby Hunter is DUE Nov. 23rd. Ugh! I guess it's better that we didn't just have Hunter and it be almost Christmas when we had to uproot. But that is a small consolation.
We DID find a place, near the Desert Vineyard in a pretty little cul-de-sac. We're excited because there's new carpet, tile, paint and kitchen appliances! We're going from $950 to $1100 but I believe that's doable.
NOW it's a race against time because we're already paying rent for the new place and each day we're at the old place we'll be billed against our deposit. And I really want more money back than less, you know? So we're moving THIS FRIDAY AND SATURDAY, then collapsing Sunday.
I'm trying to pack everything, but I'm fairly useless (read: slow) at doing everything. Take my friend, Melissa, who came over and in ONE HOUR packed Jack's whole room. That would have taken me like three hours, not counting breaks. I love bossy, motivated, NOT pregnant women. :) (Thank you, Melissa!)
On the "merely" pregnant front, I am doing well. Hunter is kicking me like crazy and my stomach has relocated to my throat, causing the mere thought of food to create a firestorm of heartburn the world has never seen. Good thing I love things like fruit juice, tomatoes and spicy food, huh? But I don't even think it matters. I got heartburn from bananas yesterday...it clearly matters not what slides down my gullet.
I have to keep moving or changing positions or my joints settle into that position permanently. I'm basically the Tin Man.
I found three little stretchmarks. I'm happy with that. No more stretching, Hunter. No more!
Today the baby email says that Hunter could pop out and would be considered A-OK for the world. Oh please oh please oh plEASE take your time in there, kiddo! I want you on time, or slightly late. I really don't have time or the mental/physical/emotional energy to do all the stuff I'm doing AND have a baby (which then becomes me not doing ANY of the stuff I'm doing EXCEPT having the baby).
My photography business is doing GREAT, praise God! If I wasn't moving then I would just happily sit at home, enjoying my blessed maternity leave, cheerfully editing pictures at my leisure (and the "leisure" of a toddler). Instead I pack like a madwoman then take my "breaks" by collapsing on the couch with the laptop to edit edit edit edit EDIT! I really, truly love my job. Honestly I do! I am just amazed at how much work I have to do right now and I'm so SO SO grateful to my clients for being patient. :)
Alright, this is long enough. See you next week. Maybe.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
35 Weeks: my little love and my tiny love
Time is definitely rushing by. My photo business is booming and I have more work coming in than I may have logical time to edit! (Never fear, clients: it will be done!) I praise the Lord for the opportunity to bless so many people and help support my famiy as well.
At the same time, it seems like time is crawling by. I am in a hurry (read: nesting) to get everything set up and just SO for this tiny love. I want the bassinet next to my bed, ready to go. I want the second dresser in the boys' room (boys? BOYS!!!!! PLURAL!!!) and the crib set up and the clothes all washed and organized by size so I can take inventory on what I have. I can't decide where to put Jack's bookcase or whether to put a chair in their room or put the changing table there...although I really don't use a changing table, so that answers that.
I want it all set up...maybe because I want this new one in my arms and maybe if I get it all done then he can come out! I'm not saying I'm done being pregnant. I LOVE being pregnant, even with the fairly persistent heartburn/gas/aches & pains that I experience. I'm just in a hurry to see his beautiful face and make sure he's okay.
Let me explain.
I'm certain that this tiny love of mine is perfect in every way. God created him and I know he's exactly as God expected, so I should not expect less. However I tend to be a glutton for punishment and wander on the internet...often not on purpose. For example, through one blog I follow I have found another blog that makes me cry. And I was reading a photography e-newsletter I get that featured an article written by this girl whose baby went Home in January.
And my heart breaks.
If there's anything I could say I don't understand (respectfully) on this earth, it's how the human heart can handle such a loss. Even made in God's image (and I'm the roughest sketch of THAT image, let me tell you), I can't believe that God's grace can sufficiently carry us through such difficult times as the loss of a child. Now I'm not sitting here expecting this tiny one to up and die on me. I'm NOT!!! I sometimes just feel...a little too blessed when I see others hurt. I'm not saying I deserve less, but my heart wants to heal their wounds and I feel a pinch ashamed at getting to have what I want when others cannot. You don't have to make me feel better--I don't feel BAD--I've just had these people on my heart lately and need to vent a little.
All that to say, I praise God for the blessing of Jack and the blessing of this tiny love inside me. I feel more fortunate than ever before, than in any other stage of my life. I am writing this and Tiny Love is rolling and kicking and moving about, telling me, "Mama! I'm doing okay!!! I'm healthy and happy and I can't wait to meet you!" And when I come home Jack will yell, "Mommy's home!!!" and give me a big hug and really that's so so SOOOOOO much to take in each day that my heart overflows. Thank you, amazing, astounding, ever-present God, who has blessed me with so much despite my gross failures and shortcomings! So much pregnancy hormones right now, but it's good!!!
Jack is completely adorable. His presence in my life teaches me something every day (sometimes the same things repeatedly as I either forget that he is the age he is or forget that I am the age I am). I am constantly surprised at how innocent a child's love is, how pure their motivations are, how sincere their love is. I am so impressed with him, and not just because he's just totally awesome in general. I am amazed that he is growing so tall and strong. His vocabulary is taking off astronomically and he absorbs SO MUCH of what we say around him! He is learning things that I though he'd never catch on to, like using tissues to wipe his nose (THANK G.O.D.) or following specific directions to get something for me.
I want to capture all the wonderful little ways he talks:
"Mommy, whaddya-doindere?" (What are you doing there?) to check on me.
"C'mon, Mommy, build/draw/truck/cars/sit."
"Mommy shower. Mommy all done shower. My shower too! Mommy dressed."
Anytime he wants something he will say "My hungry/step/jump/car/drive/draw/watch/etc too."
Now that he listens to what we say all the time I realize I'm a loud driver. He will shout behind me:
"GO CAR GO!!!!" "C'mon!!!" ....Gotta watch that, huh?
He has started to take what he sees on the few cartoons he watches and actually talk about them throughout the day. He likes watching Caillou, which is a Canadian cartoon featuring a 4-year-old bald kid named Caillou. I don't know why this kid doesn't have any hair, and he whines a lot, but often the show teaches good points. Anyway, there's a set of twins that Caillou has as neighbors in the show named Jason and Jeffrey. Jack will talk about them while playing with cars or blocks.
"Hi Caillou! Hi Jason! Hi Jeffrey! Jason and Jeffrey house. Jason and Jeffrey eat. Pizza..."
It's cute that he has started to carry things with him like that
He intently watches John play video games. I have mixed feelings about it, but if it's not gory and there's no foul language then I mind less. Jack will intently look for his "troller" (controller) so he can help Daddy play, or just cut to the chase and grab one of his plastic water guns or Pirate of the Caribbean Disney pistol and shoot the bad guys, even going so far as to whirl his hands around where you'd put the powder as if to load it. Pretty much anything sticklike he will use as a weapon though. It doesn't take much!
That's it for this week!
Little love, I can't wait to hold you after work today!
Tiny love, I am so glad my belly is holding you now...but I can't wait to have you in my arms!
At the same time, it seems like time is crawling by. I am in a hurry (read: nesting) to get everything set up and just SO for this tiny love. I want the bassinet next to my bed, ready to go. I want the second dresser in the boys' room (boys? BOYS!!!!! PLURAL!!!) and the crib set up and the clothes all washed and organized by size so I can take inventory on what I have. I can't decide where to put Jack's bookcase or whether to put a chair in their room or put the changing table there...although I really don't use a changing table, so that answers that.
I want it all set up...maybe because I want this new one in my arms and maybe if I get it all done then he can come out! I'm not saying I'm done being pregnant. I LOVE being pregnant, even with the fairly persistent heartburn/gas/aches & pains that I experience. I'm just in a hurry to see his beautiful face and make sure he's okay.
Let me explain.
I'm certain that this tiny love of mine is perfect in every way. God created him and I know he's exactly as God expected, so I should not expect less. However I tend to be a glutton for punishment and wander on the internet...often not on purpose. For example, through one blog I follow I have found another blog that makes me cry. And I was reading a photography e-newsletter I get that featured an article written by this girl whose baby went Home in January.
And my heart breaks.
If there's anything I could say I don't understand (respectfully) on this earth, it's how the human heart can handle such a loss. Even made in God's image (and I'm the roughest sketch of THAT image, let me tell you), I can't believe that God's grace can sufficiently carry us through such difficult times as the loss of a child. Now I'm not sitting here expecting this tiny one to up and die on me. I'm NOT!!! I sometimes just feel...a little too blessed when I see others hurt. I'm not saying I deserve less, but my heart wants to heal their wounds and I feel a pinch ashamed at getting to have what I want when others cannot. You don't have to make me feel better--I don't feel BAD--I've just had these people on my heart lately and need to vent a little.
All that to say, I praise God for the blessing of Jack and the blessing of this tiny love inside me. I feel more fortunate than ever before, than in any other stage of my life. I am writing this and Tiny Love is rolling and kicking and moving about, telling me, "Mama! I'm doing okay!!! I'm healthy and happy and I can't wait to meet you!" And when I come home Jack will yell, "Mommy's home!!!" and give me a big hug and really that's so so SOOOOOO much to take in each day that my heart overflows. Thank you, amazing, astounding, ever-present God, who has blessed me with so much despite my gross failures and shortcomings! So much pregnancy hormones right now, but it's good!!!
Jack is completely adorable. His presence in my life teaches me something every day (sometimes the same things repeatedly as I either forget that he is the age he is or forget that I am the age I am). I am constantly surprised at how innocent a child's love is, how pure their motivations are, how sincere their love is. I am so impressed with him, and not just because he's just totally awesome in general. I am amazed that he is growing so tall and strong. His vocabulary is taking off astronomically and he absorbs SO MUCH of what we say around him! He is learning things that I though he'd never catch on to, like using tissues to wipe his nose (THANK G.O.D.) or following specific directions to get something for me.
I want to capture all the wonderful little ways he talks:
"Mommy, whaddya-doindere?" (What are you doing there?) to check on me.
"C'mon, Mommy, build/draw/truck/cars/sit."
"Mommy shower. Mommy all done shower. My shower too! Mommy dressed."
Anytime he wants something he will say "My hungry/step/jump/car/drive/draw/watch/etc too."
Now that he listens to what we say all the time I realize I'm a loud driver. He will shout behind me:
"GO CAR GO!!!!" "C'mon!!!" ....Gotta watch that, huh?
He has started to take what he sees on the few cartoons he watches and actually talk about them throughout the day. He likes watching Caillou, which is a Canadian cartoon featuring a 4-year-old bald kid named Caillou. I don't know why this kid doesn't have any hair, and he whines a lot, but often the show teaches good points. Anyway, there's a set of twins that Caillou has as neighbors in the show named Jason and Jeffrey. Jack will talk about them while playing with cars or blocks.
"Hi Caillou! Hi Jason! Hi Jeffrey! Jason and Jeffrey house. Jason and Jeffrey eat. Pizza..."
It's cute that he has started to carry things with him like that
He intently watches John play video games. I have mixed feelings about it, but if it's not gory and there's no foul language then I mind less. Jack will intently look for his "troller" (controller) so he can help Daddy play, or just cut to the chase and grab one of his plastic water guns or Pirate of the Caribbean Disney pistol and shoot the bad guys, even going so far as to whirl his hands around where you'd put the powder as if to load it. Pretty much anything sticklike he will use as a weapon though. It doesn't take much!
That's it for this week!
Little love, I can't wait to hold you after work today!
Tiny love, I am so glad my belly is holding you now...but I can't wait to have you in my arms!
Friday, October 8, 2010
33 weeks: Lots of emotion (whining)
Please forgive the complete disregard for order in this post. Many of you may be used to it and wouldn't have noticed anything unusual, but I felt apologetic for once. Which leads to the topic of emotion.
I am officially a mess. I am at a stage I recognize well, where I am emotional, unrealistic and have low self-esteem. I am not writing this so you will say, "Oh, Elaine, I never noticed your butt was big. It's just the pregnancy hormones. Don't worry...when you have two boys you won't ever get to sit down and it'll just work itself off." Thank you, imaginary comment. :\
What I mean is I am starting to dislike things about my body that I am normally able to just...well, ignore. Or give up on (read: accept). My front side now matches my backside, but the back isn't cute. I mean, no one is squealing with delight and asking to rub my bottom in any capacity. But that's okay. I'm at peace with that.
I dislike my hair, which is stupid since my hair is great with all the hormones and my body's "hold-on-to-every-strand"ishness that comes with this baby bump.
I feel very plain when I see myself in photos. Maybe I'm really getting to the topic of self-esteem rather than emotion? I'm proud of my belly, my baby, my family, my home (if you don't look in any other room but the one I sit you down in). Just not really myself today. It's just not working for me.
At least I don't have any new stretch marks.
Yet.
But my belly button looks weird. It sticks out at the top, but sinks in at the bottom. It's as if it wants to be an outie but the incredible WEIGHT from my baby/souvenir-from-Jack-and-last-Christmas is dragging it down.
OKAY! Enough. On to brighter subjects. Like how I'm doing psychologically. A real, page-scroller, you can guess.
I'm...well, stressed. Okay, I'm happy, but stressed. Anxious? There's a lot to worry about, mostly manufactured worries in my head.
*Money. 'Nuff said. Why can't I substitute teach with a newborn? LOL I canNOT imagine nursing in front of 20 teenage boys. Nope!
*How will I ever get Jack to bed early enough so John and I can actually spend some quality time together? Schedules don't stick...our days change and it all depends on whether he has a nap. Sometimes he doesn't nap but is firmly against going to sleep after he's become delirious, dramatic and angry (or is that me?). Sometimes he konks out in the 1/2 mile between my mom's house and mine and he is thus unrousable for 90 minutes. Then John is asleep before Jack falls asleep and I feel like my evening was wasted. How will this work with the new baby?
*I am a defeated nester. Read that as: constantly irritated by the condition of my home but stopped short by my utter lack of energy by the time I'm home. The rental we're in came with big stains in the carpet and I can't STAND IT!!! It's getting worse as I get closer to my due date. One day I may just rip it all out. Just kidding, John.
*We aren't eating healthy enough. I feel like I've failed taking care of this baby as opposed to how I took care of Jack in utero. I'm lucky if I take my prenatals some days and with Jack I was downing (healthy) pills like an addict. I'm afraid of the potential guilt I'll have if this baby isn't as healthy.
*I wandered too far in the Internet universe and found websites and stories the broke my heart about certain little babies. In the words of Cookie Monster, "That DUMB thing to do!!!" Now I have more fears, or at least my heart cries out to the families and I wonder why I am so blessed to have Jack and been able to hold and giggle and snuggle him for so long.
(You realize with Jack I kept a private diary on my computer and with this one I haven't had time or made the effort or some other guilt-inducing excuse, so this is why you're reading all this crap.)
Physically, I'm doing as well as I'd expected. I feel "trimmer" than with Jack, but that's probably just because now that I've BEEN pregnant, I am expecting my whale-shaped figure to return. I'm more like an orca this time. I know that counteracts all the self-esteem stuff I said at the beginning, saying I'm smaller when I just whined to you about how big I am. Shut up.
I get lots of twinges and sharp pains, "welded" joints when I stay in a position too long and back pain. I usually only get headaches when I work at Littlerock High. Interesting. I get heartburn a lot...I think my stomach is actually located just below my throat. If I bend down to pick something up, I feel heartburn. Ridiculous!
This tiny bear is more like a wildcat. A wildcat that's been poked with sticks. He moves ALL the time. Big, sweeping body twirls. Tiny, piercing elbow drags. Weird hand movements. The loud cries. Just making sure you're paying attention. ;) But, really, if I'm TOO hungry, then he is a tornado of hungry anger. He will kick and punch and twirl and make it KNOWN that he is not happy. Or maybe my stomach is empty and he's taking advantage of the extra centimeter of space. Never thought of that... Either way, I am terrified to think about taking too long to nurse this little kid!
I have more to write on my little baby bear but I'll save it for next week...suffice it to say that he's adorable and precocious and I'm in love with him, even if he's always futilely challenging my authority. And he found a permanent marker a few days ago. But he's my joy, my favorite (for now), my love.
I am officially a mess. I am at a stage I recognize well, where I am emotional, unrealistic and have low self-esteem. I am not writing this so you will say, "Oh, Elaine, I never noticed your butt was big. It's just the pregnancy hormones. Don't worry...when you have two boys you won't ever get to sit down and it'll just work itself off." Thank you, imaginary comment. :\
What I mean is I am starting to dislike things about my body that I am normally able to just...well, ignore. Or give up on (read: accept). My front side now matches my backside, but the back isn't cute. I mean, no one is squealing with delight and asking to rub my bottom in any capacity. But that's okay. I'm at peace with that.
I dislike my hair, which is stupid since my hair is great with all the hormones and my body's "hold-on-to-every-strand"ishness that comes with this baby bump.
I feel very plain when I see myself in photos. Maybe I'm really getting to the topic of self-esteem rather than emotion? I'm proud of my belly, my baby, my family, my home (if you don't look in any other room but the one I sit you down in). Just not really myself today. It's just not working for me.
At least I don't have any new stretch marks.
Yet.
But my belly button looks weird. It sticks out at the top, but sinks in at the bottom. It's as if it wants to be an outie but the incredible WEIGHT from my baby/souvenir-from-Jack-and-last-Christmas is dragging it down.
OKAY! Enough. On to brighter subjects. Like how I'm doing psychologically. A real, page-scroller, you can guess.
I'm...well, stressed. Okay, I'm happy, but stressed. Anxious? There's a lot to worry about, mostly manufactured worries in my head.
*Money. 'Nuff said. Why can't I substitute teach with a newborn? LOL I canNOT imagine nursing in front of 20 teenage boys. Nope!
*How will I ever get Jack to bed early enough so John and I can actually spend some quality time together? Schedules don't stick...our days change and it all depends on whether he has a nap. Sometimes he doesn't nap but is firmly against going to sleep after he's become delirious, dramatic and angry (or is that me?). Sometimes he konks out in the 1/2 mile between my mom's house and mine and he is thus unrousable for 90 minutes. Then John is asleep before Jack falls asleep and I feel like my evening was wasted. How will this work with the new baby?
*I am a defeated nester. Read that as: constantly irritated by the condition of my home but stopped short by my utter lack of energy by the time I'm home. The rental we're in came with big stains in the carpet and I can't STAND IT!!! It's getting worse as I get closer to my due date. One day I may just rip it all out. Just kidding, John.
*We aren't eating healthy enough. I feel like I've failed taking care of this baby as opposed to how I took care of Jack in utero. I'm lucky if I take my prenatals some days and with Jack I was downing (healthy) pills like an addict. I'm afraid of the potential guilt I'll have if this baby isn't as healthy.
*I wandered too far in the Internet universe and found websites and stories the broke my heart about certain little babies. In the words of Cookie Monster, "That DUMB thing to do!!!" Now I have more fears, or at least my heart cries out to the families and I wonder why I am so blessed to have Jack and been able to hold and giggle and snuggle him for so long.
(You realize with Jack I kept a private diary on my computer and with this one I haven't had time or made the effort or some other guilt-inducing excuse, so this is why you're reading all this crap.)
Physically, I'm doing as well as I'd expected. I feel "trimmer" than with Jack, but that's probably just because now that I've BEEN pregnant, I am expecting my whale-shaped figure to return. I'm more like an orca this time. I know that counteracts all the self-esteem stuff I said at the beginning, saying I'm smaller when I just whined to you about how big I am. Shut up.
I get lots of twinges and sharp pains, "welded" joints when I stay in a position too long and back pain. I usually only get headaches when I work at Littlerock High. Interesting. I get heartburn a lot...I think my stomach is actually located just below my throat. If I bend down to pick something up, I feel heartburn. Ridiculous!
This tiny bear is more like a wildcat. A wildcat that's been poked with sticks. He moves ALL the time. Big, sweeping body twirls. Tiny, piercing elbow drags. Weird hand movements. The loud cries. Just making sure you're paying attention. ;) But, really, if I'm TOO hungry, then he is a tornado of hungry anger. He will kick and punch and twirl and make it KNOWN that he is not happy. Or maybe my stomach is empty and he's taking advantage of the extra centimeter of space. Never thought of that... Either way, I am terrified to think about taking too long to nurse this little kid!
I have more to write on my little baby bear but I'll save it for next week...suffice it to say that he's adorable and precocious and I'm in love with him, even if he's always futilely challenging my authority. And he found a permanent marker a few days ago. But he's my joy, my favorite (for now), my love.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
32 weeks: My hiccupping jicama
Alas, I forgot to blog about last week, so I will catch up.
I have a hiccupping jicama. They say he's a jicama-sized kiddo and just when we made the discovery, the hiccups soon followed! Sort of natural, no?
I don't have much to say, since what I want to say applies to week 33, but I wanted his sweet little week documented, even if it is a grossly inadequate record.
Love you, tiny bear. For you see we have a Daddy bear, a Mama bear and a baby bear already (toddler bear sounds stupid), so you have to be tiny bear. I guess the next one will have to be a girl so we can call her Goldilocks. :)
I have a hiccupping jicama. They say he's a jicama-sized kiddo and just when we made the discovery, the hiccups soon followed! Sort of natural, no?
I don't have much to say, since what I want to say applies to week 33, but I wanted his sweet little week documented, even if it is a grossly inadequate record.
Love you, tiny bear. For you see we have a Daddy bear, a Mama bear and a baby bear already (toddler bear sounds stupid), so you have to be tiny bear. I guess the next one will have to be a girl so we can call her Goldilocks. :)
Friday, September 17, 2010
30 Weeks: Bulldozer Baby
This baby is moving and turning and kicking and all sorts of things all day long. I love it. It's so nice to be reminded of this little life within me throughout the day. How strange to hae a living being within me! He is head-down already and I know right where his feet are...right at the top of my belly! There is a spot I can push and he almost always pushes right back. I'm happy that he's already in position and "organized" although I know he could move. It DOES makes me think about what I don't have ready yet if this baby comes early... Honestly I'm glad that this is my second baby because I am relaxed enough to know that there is only half an hour between being unprepared and having a pack of newborn diapers and the bassinet set up. :) What a blessing to be a mama-to-be for the second time!
Our biggest hurdle right now is simply picking a name. We have some options on our list, but we haven't settled on anything concrete. We have a name pool going so people can bet $5 on possible combinations from our lists and could possibly win a lot of money if they're right! (Contact Jill Moran or Melissa Jackson Pleer on my friend list for the chart and more details.) Of course, now that I've given them my first and middle name lists, I keep hearing other names that I'm not opposed to. I'm going to mess it all up, I know it. LOL
I am feeling pretty good now. I walk a little slower and occasionally I have aches and pains that feel quite foreign to me, but nothing impossible to bear. Painting my toenails is a long ordeal because I have to pause and lean back for air! The polish definitely has time to dry between coats! I think so far the hardest things for me are having the energy/willpower to keep up with housecleaning, to turn over in the middle of the night or get up period, and--honestly--to put on pants!
I will say that it seems to be much harder this time around to take good care of myself. I think it's because I'm doing so much more than during Jack's pregnancy that I forget. I forget prenatal vitamins occasionally. I forget to drink enough water. I forget to eat lots of protein. I DO however feel much more confident in my ability to get through this labor. I have studied much more about labor to realize what my uterus is doing and how to relax through a contraction (efficiency is yet to be seen, of course, but I'm so excited about the Bradley method!). I feel more confident that I WILL survive the actual delivery and very sure of what I want to happen/not happen during my labor/birth, barring honest complications. That helps to overcome the anxiety that lingers over the hospital birth issue.
That's about it this week! I'm so happy to be a mama!
Our biggest hurdle right now is simply picking a name. We have some options on our list, but we haven't settled on anything concrete. We have a name pool going so people can bet $5 on possible combinations from our lists and could possibly win a lot of money if they're right! (Contact Jill Moran or Melissa Jackson Pleer on my friend list for the chart and more details.) Of course, now that I've given them my first and middle name lists, I keep hearing other names that I'm not opposed to. I'm going to mess it all up, I know it. LOL
I am feeling pretty good now. I walk a little slower and occasionally I have aches and pains that feel quite foreign to me, but nothing impossible to bear. Painting my toenails is a long ordeal because I have to pause and lean back for air! The polish definitely has time to dry between coats! I think so far the hardest things for me are having the energy/willpower to keep up with housecleaning, to turn over in the middle of the night or get up period, and--honestly--to put on pants!
I will say that it seems to be much harder this time around to take good care of myself. I think it's because I'm doing so much more than during Jack's pregnancy that I forget. I forget prenatal vitamins occasionally. I forget to drink enough water. I forget to eat lots of protein. I DO however feel much more confident in my ability to get through this labor. I have studied much more about labor to realize what my uterus is doing and how to relax through a contraction (efficiency is yet to be seen, of course, but I'm so excited about the Bradley method!). I feel more confident that I WILL survive the actual delivery and very sure of what I want to happen/not happen during my labor/birth, barring honest complications. That helps to overcome the anxiety that lingers over the hospital birth issue.
That's about it this week! I'm so happy to be a mama!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
29 weeks: To-dos pile up as I slow down
I am officially starting to slow down. Or, rather, become encumbered with this belly. I'm waddling about, amazed that this belly will get BIGGER, amazed that, as our little weekly baby update tells us, this baby will probably triple it's current weight of about 3 lbs. !!! I am amazed that these weeks are flying by and my time of "rest" (insert maniacal laughter here) is coming so quickly!
I'm worrying about all the normal things: going through labor again, going to the hospital this time and how that experience will be, the what-to-dos with Jack when that time comes, the financial end of the whole thing, taking care of TWO instead of one. I know I'm not alone in these worries and not all of these will be resolved as this baby appears. But I have had an overwhelming peace for the past, oh, three months. I don't get it and I could attribute it on pregnancy hormones or a positive attitude or what have you, but I really have to give God the credit for this. See, I'm a chronic worrier by nature and somehow when I think about my ten days of bedrest with Jack or when the van's registration bill comes in the mail, all that professional worrying has been reduced to a shrug and a seemingly-naive "It'll all work out" in my head. So that's gotta be God, cause it's not me!
Business is good...building slowly. Having a small business is quite a tangle of things to do and keep up with and while I'm grateful for the break to reevaluate and spend time with my family, the over-achiever in me wants to book portrait sessions on my due date. Yes, I'm also crazy. I'm just really excited at the idea of being able to work from home, even if it's harder work than babysitting teenagers six times a day. (More work, but much more respect...I'm *hoping* no one really calls me a *itch at a photo shoot, but I've gotten that in the classrom!) I am most excited about supporting my family doing something I love, something that brings joy to other people and is a positive thing to add to the world!
That's about all that's going on this week. The next week will be here before I know it, but only 11 weeks left...maybe less!
I'm worrying about all the normal things: going through labor again, going to the hospital this time and how that experience will be, the what-to-dos with Jack when that time comes, the financial end of the whole thing, taking care of TWO instead of one. I know I'm not alone in these worries and not all of these will be resolved as this baby appears. But I have had an overwhelming peace for the past, oh, three months. I don't get it and I could attribute it on pregnancy hormones or a positive attitude or what have you, but I really have to give God the credit for this. See, I'm a chronic worrier by nature and somehow when I think about my ten days of bedrest with Jack or when the van's registration bill comes in the mail, all that professional worrying has been reduced to a shrug and a seemingly-naive "It'll all work out" in my head. So that's gotta be God, cause it's not me!
Business is good...building slowly. Having a small business is quite a tangle of things to do and keep up with and while I'm grateful for the break to reevaluate and spend time with my family, the over-achiever in me wants to book portrait sessions on my due date. Yes, I'm also crazy. I'm just really excited at the idea of being able to work from home, even if it's harder work than babysitting teenagers six times a day. (More work, but much more respect...I'm *hoping* no one really calls me a *itch at a photo shoot, but I've gotten that in the classrom!) I am most excited about supporting my family doing something I love, something that brings joy to other people and is a positive thing to add to the world!
That's about all that's going on this week. The next week will be here before I know it, but only 11 weeks left...maybe less!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
28 weeks: How can this be?
This week my baby is the size of cauliflower or Chinese cabbage--sources conflict. . But I'm in my THIRD trimester--how could this happen so quickly? Surely Jack is partially to blame. I can't just sit and marvel quite at this new love as much as I did with him. I'm already catching on that my life is really going to change again and the constant conversation at home will probably not even include John or I!
Jack is learning and growing at an exponential rate. It's really extraordinary. I can't keep up and I guess that's okay.
Here are some recent "snapshots" of Jack:
*He will shout "Truck!" "Car"! "BIG truck!" "Baby truck!" "Firetruck!" "Bus!" from the car as we drive around.
*He will often say "Mommy" over and over with no discernible reason for doing so. I can answer him each time or not and the repetition stays the same. I like to think he likes to say my name and see me smile at him expectantly.
*Regarding names: If I don't answer to "Mommy" right away, he will bellow "Laaaaaane" to mimic dear Daddy who will do the same thing when I am running late or Daddy is running early.
*He often runs to me, lifts my shirt and kisses "the baby"...which has sometimes turned into him licking my tummy, but I don't quite get that. LOL
*He loves Rex (from Toy Story) and hugs the one Lollie got him, insisting on taking him nearly everywhere. The only other substitute is a white Mommy bear or white Baby bear that someone got us at some point.
*Yesterday he had Rice Krispies with cut up strawberries in it. He doesn't like food mixed or touching (thank you, John), but apparently if I leave him alone long enough, he stops protesting and eats it.
*When we are getting ready to leave, Jack asks, "Home?" meaning he wants to leave home. When we're out and he's ready to leave, he asks the same thing.
*Whenever we leave home or arrive home he wants to pick a "purry fower"...one of the little clover flowers or dandelions that pepper our lawn. Then, invariably, he will behead the flower, exclaim, "Fower brok-key (broken)" and toss both pieces in the car or on the ground.
*He will grab living spiders and hand them to me as they squirm and fight for life. Yesterday he grabbed a Daddy Long Legs and said, "Mommy! O-puss! (Octopus)" Sheesh! I don't want him to be terribly scared of bugs but a little fear would be appreciated. At least before he tries to hand me a black widow or brown recluse.
*In the evening I will strip him down to nothing and let him run around the backyard, so he can go "swimming"...which is just him trying to splash around and make the biggest mess possible in 4" of water in a plastic kiddie pool. Then he runs around and tries to throw things at poor Brownie girl. Jack has started asking for this at all times of the day, saying, "Daddy home? Swimming?"
*Late at night, more nights than not, Jack will wake up, open his door and come into ours. Our ginormous Cal King bed is a little high for him to climb into without help, so he will pat my back or arm and ask, "Mommy? Mommy? THIS bed?" Then in my sleep-induced stupor I may pull him over me to sleep in between Daddy and I or be a wise Mama and heave myself up, take his tiny hand in mine and take him to his room. He will climb in bed and I will cover him, then I'll sit on the floor with my arms and head his bed until he falls asleep. Yawn. Then I go back to bed and pray that the alarm doesn't ring in 10 minutes.
*With much much MUCH harrassment, Jack is starting to understand that he can play with toys from the toy box or his Mega Blocks...and has to put one away to get the other. Otherwise the living room becomes a vertible mine field of pain.
Here are some recent "snapshots" of Baby:
*He kicks like a punter. Not painful yet, just surprising. Whenever I stop moving, he'll take a turn. This is so much fun! I love that I can enjoy him whenever I rest.
*No stretch marks yet (not counting the tiger-mauling that Jack already provided this belly).
*My belly is huge. Much bigger than I thought I was at the same time with Jack. It doesn't feel like there's anymore room to my stomach or give to my skin (see STRETCH MARKS).
*I am starting to freak out now...not a full-out panic, but I'm definitely aware that HOLY CRAP I'M GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY! More specifically, I have to go through LABOR AGAIN. And at the hospital this time, which is NOT a relieving thought in my mind. And I have to RECOVER from labor. Ugh. I hope things go smoothly.
*I eat and drink more when I'm at work than when I'm at home. Doesn't make any sense.
*I waddle. Have for like, four months. Maybe I just gave up.
*I have a few spider veins. That's gross, but not as gross as vericose veins, so I'm grateful.
*I have all the boy clothes I could ever want, so PLEASE don't buy me any. I need diapers and a new crib mattress and a nursing pump and cash. That's just about it.
To Jack:
Little love, you are everything to me. For now, I love you the best--I can say that! I love your big grin and how you say "rEEEEEEEad-a-book" and for your Mommy-esque love of cereal. I love the little curls that fight against this mainstream haircut to come out. I love your giggles...and how you giggle when I SAY giggle. You are fun 99% of the time and I can take 1% of anything for all of that. THANK YOU for being the baby I got, for this perfect, God-given combination of John and I and so much more that neither of us could have given you ourselves. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Mama
To Baby:
I am waiting for your arrival, but I don't have to wait long! Only 12 weeks until we're close to showtime! And what if you come earlier? Wow! This pregnancy has gone so fast. I hope you're doing great in there, though your ultrasound 8 weeks ago looked perfect and your kicks and bumps and swirls tell me you are just as active as your brother. I am always in awe that I have a PERSON inside me...that you will come out and cry and nurse and learn to talk and walk just like Jack did. I am in awe that you will have your own personality--perhaps like or perhaps completely unlike us or your brother. It's hard to imagine that we can make a different combination...that it won't just be another Jack. But I'm glad for it. That would be fun, but boring at the same time. I am excited to see your scrunchy face and pack the pounds on you through our many, many nursing sessions. Grow strong, sweet one. I have so much to show you!
Mama
Jack is learning and growing at an exponential rate. It's really extraordinary. I can't keep up and I guess that's okay.
Here are some recent "snapshots" of Jack:
*He will shout "Truck!" "Car"! "BIG truck!" "Baby truck!" "Firetruck!" "Bus!" from the car as we drive around.
*He will often say "Mommy" over and over with no discernible reason for doing so. I can answer him each time or not and the repetition stays the same. I like to think he likes to say my name and see me smile at him expectantly.
*Regarding names: If I don't answer to "Mommy" right away, he will bellow "Laaaaaane" to mimic dear Daddy who will do the same thing when I am running late or Daddy is running early.
*He often runs to me, lifts my shirt and kisses "the baby"...which has sometimes turned into him licking my tummy, but I don't quite get that. LOL
*He loves Rex (from Toy Story) and hugs the one Lollie got him, insisting on taking him nearly everywhere. The only other substitute is a white Mommy bear or white Baby bear that someone got us at some point.
*Yesterday he had Rice Krispies with cut up strawberries in it. He doesn't like food mixed or touching (thank you, John), but apparently if I leave him alone long enough, he stops protesting and eats it.
*When we are getting ready to leave, Jack asks, "Home?" meaning he wants to leave home. When we're out and he's ready to leave, he asks the same thing.
*Whenever we leave home or arrive home he wants to pick a "purry fower"...one of the little clover flowers or dandelions that pepper our lawn. Then, invariably, he will behead the flower, exclaim, "Fower brok-key (broken)" and toss both pieces in the car or on the ground.
*He will grab living spiders and hand them to me as they squirm and fight for life. Yesterday he grabbed a Daddy Long Legs and said, "Mommy! O-puss! (Octopus)" Sheesh! I don't want him to be terribly scared of bugs but a little fear would be appreciated. At least before he tries to hand me a black widow or brown recluse.
*In the evening I will strip him down to nothing and let him run around the backyard, so he can go "swimming"...which is just him trying to splash around and make the biggest mess possible in 4" of water in a plastic kiddie pool. Then he runs around and tries to throw things at poor Brownie girl. Jack has started asking for this at all times of the day, saying, "Daddy home? Swimming?"
*Late at night, more nights than not, Jack will wake up, open his door and come into ours. Our ginormous Cal King bed is a little high for him to climb into without help, so he will pat my back or arm and ask, "Mommy? Mommy? THIS bed?" Then in my sleep-induced stupor I may pull him over me to sleep in between Daddy and I or be a wise Mama and heave myself up, take his tiny hand in mine and take him to his room. He will climb in bed and I will cover him, then I'll sit on the floor with my arms and head his bed until he falls asleep. Yawn. Then I go back to bed and pray that the alarm doesn't ring in 10 minutes.
*With much much MUCH harrassment, Jack is starting to understand that he can play with toys from the toy box or his Mega Blocks...and has to put one away to get the other. Otherwise the living room becomes a vertible mine field of pain.
Here are some recent "snapshots" of Baby:
*He kicks like a punter. Not painful yet, just surprising. Whenever I stop moving, he'll take a turn. This is so much fun! I love that I can enjoy him whenever I rest.
*No stretch marks yet (not counting the tiger-mauling that Jack already provided this belly).
*My belly is huge. Much bigger than I thought I was at the same time with Jack. It doesn't feel like there's anymore room to my stomach or give to my skin (see STRETCH MARKS).
*I am starting to freak out now...not a full-out panic, but I'm definitely aware that HOLY CRAP I'M GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY! More specifically, I have to go through LABOR AGAIN. And at the hospital this time, which is NOT a relieving thought in my mind. And I have to RECOVER from labor. Ugh. I hope things go smoothly.
*I eat and drink more when I'm at work than when I'm at home. Doesn't make any sense.
*I waddle. Have for like, four months. Maybe I just gave up.
*I have a few spider veins. That's gross, but not as gross as vericose veins, so I'm grateful.
*I have all the boy clothes I could ever want, so PLEASE don't buy me any. I need diapers and a new crib mattress and a nursing pump and cash. That's just about it.
To Jack:
Little love, you are everything to me. For now, I love you the best--I can say that! I love your big grin and how you say "rEEEEEEEad-a-book" and for your Mommy-esque love of cereal. I love the little curls that fight against this mainstream haircut to come out. I love your giggles...and how you giggle when I SAY giggle. You are fun 99% of the time and I can take 1% of anything for all of that. THANK YOU for being the baby I got, for this perfect, God-given combination of John and I and so much more that neither of us could have given you ourselves. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Mama
To Baby:
I am waiting for your arrival, but I don't have to wait long! Only 12 weeks until we're close to showtime! And what if you come earlier? Wow! This pregnancy has gone so fast. I hope you're doing great in there, though your ultrasound 8 weeks ago looked perfect and your kicks and bumps and swirls tell me you are just as active as your brother. I am always in awe that I have a PERSON inside me...that you will come out and cry and nurse and learn to talk and walk just like Jack did. I am in awe that you will have your own personality--perhaps like or perhaps completely unlike us or your brother. It's hard to imagine that we can make a different combination...that it won't just be another Jack. But I'm glad for it. That would be fun, but boring at the same time. I am excited to see your scrunchy face and pack the pounds on you through our many, many nursing sessions. Grow strong, sweet one. I have so much to show you!
Mama
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)