Sometimes when I'm disciplining my boys, in the back
of my head I'm thinking, "Gosh, if these kids persuade women to stick with
them through marriage, I'm going to have to have honest talks with these women
and say,
Look, we really did try. Some of our trying probably screwed them up, but you weren't there.You weren't there when two of them both vehemently denied breaking XYZ no matter what the punishment was, and we had to punish both the same and HATED IT, but wanted them to not be flaming liars by the time you met them.
You weren't there when they got snippy and rude with me, or their brothers, and we made them write letters to each other and didn't let them do much else but breathe until their attitude improved, because we wanted them to not be cutting and cruel in their response to you at times when you need grace.
You weren't there when they damaged someone's property or hurt someone else's kid, so we sent them over with an apology letter and to do yard work for them for the afternoon because we didn't want them seeing others and other's belongings as worth less than their own.
You weren't there when they put their friends over their family and in response we made them miss the cool thing at the cool place because we want them to choose you over the new hotness that will always be out there, but never stay true.
You weren't there when they did the same thing we'd disciplined them about four times already, and we had to make the consequence so much harsher than before because they had to learn that the consequences as an adult are sometimes forever.
You're going to hear their side of all the stories from their childhood, and while sometimes it's going to look like I'm the meanest, often dysfunctional jerk of a mother, please know that every step of the damn way I just wanted them to not suck as a human and possibly be a great husband, so I did what I could with the tools I had. WE did what we could. You'll get and feel all of this if you have kids one day, and probably feel it all exactly if you mix genes with my kids. 😂 Tread carefully, girlfriend.
Being a parent is so lovely when your kid is cute,
snuggle, giggly, and you have the answer to their problem. But it's just as
imperfect as I am--sin is there no matter what the age, and each sin ripples
beyond the person sinning.
Now that my kids are 10, 8, and 5, I realize that the
time I thought was the hardest --the
nursingdiapersnosleepteethingwhatdoesthisfevermean stage-- was actually the
piece of cake in some respect. I'm getting a full night's sleep now but the
life lessons come HARD AND FAST and the pre-teen growing and stretching and
testing are creeping in. The clothes are getting way too large and long, and
the issues we talk about are often uncomfortable for me to pass over my lips.
And it's just started and almost over in the same
breath. Jack is 10--five years to a learner's permit, but five years ago I
watched him walk into school for the first time. He's more than halfway to
being considered an adult. Wyatt's where Jack was five years ago, but my
youngest baby who no longer needs baby things. I need absolutely nothing in the
baby aisles at any store, and that's freeing and gaspy-cry-inducing all at the
same time. What. Is. This. Parenting. Madness?!? How is it short and long, slow
and fast, and makes me want to pause and fast-forward, depending on the breath
we're taking?
I'm so blessed that I don't have to do it alone, and I
have such a wonderful husband who doesn't buckle emotionally like I sometimes
want to do. Conversely, he listens when I think maybe we need to consider it
from a different angle, and we adjust. Thank you, John, for being the balance
to the Force, whichever side that needs to be at the moment.
I'm also so very aware of the single parents out there
who don't have that second voice and heart to balance the equation or get
tagged out when their resources are drained. I see you. Hugs and high fives and
pats to the behind for doing the hard thing when it feels all tight and panicky
in your chest and you'd rather let it slide because you're exhausted but you
don't because then your kids will grow up sucking. Thank you for persevering,
because maybe your kids and mine will meet and because of our collective hard
work, they can be decent people to each other most of the time.
To my babies,
I'm trying, dammit! You probably don’t like me most of
the time, but you know without a doubt that I love you. You will also have
limited tools if you choose to parent, and you'll feel like you're on a roller coaster against your will. It'll be thrilling and wonderful some of the
time, and other times you'll just want to throw up and stop. The wonderful
memories I've had raising you will always overshadow the hard moments I've had
trying to not screw it up, because you're worth the stress and grey hair and
"fine lines." I love you too damn much to stop being "a
mean-o."
Love,
Mama
