Monday, June 28, 2010

Week 19: My little mango & my gigantic watermelon

Sweet new little love,
I don't know where this time is is zooming by so quickly and I am nearly half-way to holding you in my arms! I don't even know if you're a girl or boy yet, which is maddening, but also really special. I like not being able to harbor thoughts of you based on gender. It is all still a mystery and that's nice. However, your Daddy and I ARE chomping at the bit to start picking (arguing over) names. As soon as Daddy saw your brother on the ultrasound, he just announced his name to anyone within listening radius after that, so I am wondering what story we will have to tell you about how your name was chosen.
I don't have morning sickness anymore--praise GOD!!! The relaxin that courses through my body, relaxing joints and ligaments is working overtime and I am frequently having aches and pains that don't make a whole lot of sense. I follow a prenatal yoga DVD at least twice a week, which wears me out and relaxing me at the same time. Your brother climbs all over me and tries to knock me down when I am in various yoga poses, so that's Jack saying hi when you get bumped by a big head or feel me gently tumble to the floor from a triangle pose.
Daddy and I can't believe we're nearly halfway there...and I am still waiting for a definite sign from you that you're doing all the stretching and squirming I keep reading about. We worry about silly things like money and bills, but only because we want what's best for you and Jack. We love you so much that it's often hard to talk about the love we feel--but I know you must feel it already through me.
I can't wait to "see" you on the 7th during the ultrasound, little mango. I know I will cry and Daddy may too (but that's because this love fills our hearts and spills over this way!).
See you soon, tiny one!
Love, Mama

To Jack, my little love and enormous watermelon,
You amaze me every day. Every single day. I can't believe all the things you learn. Now you're speaking short sentences "I'll do it" and you will call out for things when you're looking for them: "Shoooooooooooooes....where are yoouuuuuuuuuu?"
You preface each thing you say with some sort of gibberish that seems to introduce each concept. Confusing but adorable.
You love water and call any water you see a "bath," including oceans and lakes you see in books and on TV. You say, "No Brownie!" when she tries to sniff you or give you kisses and you lay on your stomach in front of the sliding window, chin propped in hands, ankles crossed behind you and talk to her, saying "Hi, puppy!"
You have begun to say "Hi!!!" and waving, often when you know you're in trouble and you want to distract me with cuteness (it does, but I don't show it). You whine a LOT when you don't get your way.
For about a week now I have been able to read you stories in the rocking chair in your room, then get you to lay down in your bed, read you a few more and then practically smother you--at your request--so my skin touches yours, until you fall asleep. Miraculously, this has worked from the first day we tried it!!! We still face the issue of you getting up before we're ready to and climbing into our bed, which limits my options severely and wakes Daddy up for the day. I don't know how much longer I can handle that with my growing belly, but I'm trying, love. I love your soft skin and how you often sleep with your hand on my face. How cute is that?!?
Your diet consists mostly of yogurt, bananas, cereal and the occasional meat we feed you from our plates. You are a particular child. You could eat fruit and dairy all day, just like Mama, but you have certain likes that surprise me, like Daddy's spicy rice and chicken dish...and cabbage ("leaves).
I can't believe you're nearly 26 months--how could your birth have been so long ago? You are so big and so strong and sooooo stubborn. I love you more than anyone right now, anyone on earth. Sometimes I fear something happening to you, ripping my joy from me, but I can't dwell on that. I enjoy you wholeheartedly and love you totally. I will hold you today, cuddle you today, kiss you over and over again today and not fear tomorrow for I'm too weak to stand the thought.
Love you, punkin pie.

Monday, June 7, 2010

My little avocado

I look forward to every Tuesday now: it's this little one's "birthday"...the day the baby turns one week older and I get more excited about all the preparations that go into bringing another one in the world. I can't wait to see what it "is" (boy, girl, dragon, Italian chef...), but hearing the heartbeat last week was wonderful enough. It made me cry, so the doctor gave me a tissue. :) I just can't believe I am capable (through God, obviously) of sustaining life within me--a new life that wasn't there before and that is totally different from Jack! I hope to feel something, but that's my impatience...I loved feeling Jack move inside me and I am so excited to feel this one!

Tomorrow I will know what "fruit/vegetable size" it is for this week, but this past week the baby has been as long as an avocado. When we were at the farmer's market on Saturday I pointed that out to John and we shared an excited, dopey grin!

I am fully in maternity clothes now, which I was not dreading. I actually like them (while I'm pregnant). I am drinking iced pregnancy tea like crazy and popping pills each day (prenatals, DHA and other "hippie" supplements that made Jack the way he is today). I try to eat well, but either way I eat often, and drink tons of water. I exercise to a prenatal yoga DVD as often as I remember and am making an effort to bake things at home that are more expensive to buy, although I am reluctant now that it's so hot. (I wish the oven was in the garage...but I don't want to work in there either. Grrr.)

I am treasuring this time with Jack, trying to imagine how it will be with another baby...wondering how bad the jealousy will be, since Jack has been the center of my universe for more than two years now. I'm going to have to stop calling him my favorite or that I love him "best of all" too. ;) At least he's too young to know when I leave those things out.

I am so busy this month already that I feel like I can't breathe, but it is different than regular work. It's not a matter of putting time in and going home. I have to work around Jack and John and sometimes that is the harder thing.

My photo business is picking up and I am trying a few new business methods that I'm excited about. I think the hardest part of advertising my boudoir photography is that morally I only want to photograph engaged or married women, but it sounds rude to say to people interested in my services. I mean, I'm not going to bend the rules for the sake of not appearing rude, but I do realize that somewhere down the line this will cause me to lose business here and there. However, in the end my intent is to serve God by strengthening marriages so I am not worried about the occasional lost sale.

I DO hope boudoir bookings will pick up and I can possibly replace my substitute income with this sort of thing, as it is much less of a time-suck. (I think to replace my income I only need between six and ten clients a month.) And I LOVE doing this, which is much better than being disrespected by teenagers and sometimes feeling like I barely survived the day at the high schools!

To John: I am so excited about our growing family--who knew when we met at that bbq ten years ago that we'd be married with a beautiful boy (and another on the way)!

To Jack: I love this time with you, just Mommy & her precious boy, playing games, running through the sprinklers and eating pb&j's together. I love cuddling you and spending time with you, even when you are desperately trying to snatch the mouse from me like right now. I love you, punkin pie.

To my little growing one: I can't believe I get another opportunity to be a mama! I am so excited to see you, to feel you, to have a little one grunting and rooting to nurse, to give baby baths to and deeply take in that delicious newborn smell! Being pregnant with your big brother taught me all the little surprises that come with pregnancy and new mamahood, but I think I can enjoy this time even more with you, since I know what things I most look forward to enjoying again! I want to just stare at you, watch your sleep, enjoy nursing a little one again, search for nearly microscopic baby socks in piles of laundry and NOT WORRY AS MUCH! I am already in love with loving you!