Estrogen.
Pretty much the best and worst thing to happen to humanity. On one hand, nobody can function correctly without the appropriate "pinch" of it. On the other hand, it causes all sorts of problems. Like puberty. Then, pregnancy. Or like ME, weeping at the thought that one day my babies won't need me to put blankets on them at night. (Because I'm not a creeper like in Love You Forever. I'm not the mama who drives to my son's house, unstraps the ladder from the roof of the station wagon and climbs in his apparently unlocked window so I can rock him, singing a lullaby. I'm not that mama. YET.)
Yes, I'm blaming estrogen here.
Today (yesterday by the time I finish this) my "tiny" love is 6 months old. Not many people care. I don't mean that in a pity-me or any other sort of way. It's like telling people it's your XX-year wedding anniversary. You pretty much go, "Oh! Congrats..." and then go back to checking facebook and getting dinner ready. Unless you're this tiny love's mama. Then you look over at his chubby delicious cheeks and beautiful, God-sculpted smile and the estrogen damn near creates a supernova of warm fuzzy baby-loving intensity.
Watch out, world!
(Yes, I know that STILL only like four of you know Hunter's birth story. And I know, by how loudly you're all clamoring for the details, that like only four of you really care and maybe a couple more are mildly interested. Whatever. It bothers me that I haven't told you because I'm trying to be consistent with how I ooh and ahh over each child. I'm already failing, LOL. 'Cause you're not getting that story today!)
Dear little Hunter,
You are so sweet. You are truly a good-natured child. The skinny, womb-folded version of you gave way (soooo quickly) to the current plump version of you that causes estrogen supernovas in all the women in our lives. You eat like every meal is your last. Strangely I'm not getting any thinner because of that, so please don't be so very different from your brother that you take all the water and leave the calories 'cause I was banking on the passive weight loss!
Your knuckle-dimples make me cry (everything makes me cry) because they are fleeting, special, squishy. Your toes are like little caterpillars. Your eyes light up like a Christmas tree whenever someone acts foolish for your sake. Your smile explodes when Jack talks to you or runs around like a crazy person to entertain you.
I stop and close my eyes when I hear you babbling in the other room (I stopped doing that when you babble in the car, trust me...) because I want to take that moment and somehow fold it into a little square...a Viewfinder disc for later, complete with smells and sounds and feelings. I LOVE my life with you, with Jack, with Daddy. You are evidence of the fact that life goes by so fast that I can't catch up.
I hold you and feel your super soft skin and already notice how weathered my own skin is. Am I really nearly 30? How does that happen to a person? That's so...decidedly grown up and irrevocably adult. I am so happy that I have given this world two great lights so far, you and Jack. I'll do my damnedest to raise you to be wise and committed to God.
Hunter Cole, I love you. I love love love love love you. I love that you're here and that the Lord has given me all these hours with you. Sometimes I'm shaken with fear, knowing that bad things can happen to anyone, good or bad, Christian or not, and I squeeze you and your brother and Daddy, praying that I never have to go through losing any of you. It would be too hard to breathe.
Happy half-birthday, sweet one. I will sleep now and cuddle you in a few hours when you crave mama and milk and warmth and all things safe.
Love, Mama.
Showing posts with label birth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth. Show all posts
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Monday, March 29, 2010
At home or in the hospital?
Now some of you have been waiting for an opportunity to weigh in on this sort of decision, since so many people called me crazy for having Jack at home. Unfortunately, the only thing putting this choice up for debate is money, or the lack thereof. I trust God to take care of us either way, but this is a source of stress for me, so perhaps talking about it will help me get through it or over it.
At home:
I loved loved LOVED having Jack at home. Not only was the idea novel in today's society, but I could stay at home, in familiar surroundings, with only our germs. No new people, no foreign atmosphere, no one following procedure over what I want or need. I can't say it was exactly peaceful when I was going through a contraction but I was surrounded only by people I chose to be there in my own house.
Many people criticize this method of birth because if something goes wrong, they say, it may be too late to get help in time. This seems to come from a mindset that no one is monitoring me at all while I'm in labor at home, and that's simply not true. Our midwife, Justine, was once an EMT and is now a licensed midwife of more than 200 successful births.
She monitored me by phone before arriving, came over once I'd reached a regular pattern to my contractions and checked on Jack via Doppler and me via pulse checks throughout my labor. She carefully studied my condition throughout labor and assisted in the crowning and birth, as well as directing us in what to do with the cord and later, birthing the placenta. She examined me after the birth, applying a couple stitches as needed. I took a little too long to stop bleeding, so she sent me to the hospital as a precaution, but by the time I got there, the problem had righted itself. She accompanied us to the hospital, remained there as long as I was there (most of my stay there was to recover from the Demerol they gave me...what a doozy) and came back to the house with us.
I never felt that in any way my safety was compromised, since Justine could recognize any signs of distress and act on them accordingly.
Our dilemma is actually purely monetary: the midwife fee went up and if health insurance covers it, it's on a reimbursement basis, so we still have to shell out the money, which we don't rightfully have.
At the hospital:
I know hospitals play a very important part in successful births, especially high-risk pregnancies. I do not discount the hospital staff's expertise or the mother's wisdom in choosing to have their babies there. I do feel, however, that many of their interventions are unnecessary and more for their own convenience.
It is not always necessary to give a woman pitocin to start labor or speed up labor just because nothing is happening. It's not always needed to ripen the cervix when dilation is not happening quickly. Epidurals are useful sometimes, but what you give the mom reaches the baby. It is horrible to make women push their babies out while lying flat on their backs, since that means you're essentially pushing your baby uphill, up the curve of your tailbone.
I want to be able to walk around, sit on a pilates ball during contractions, get in a tub, and not be tied down by machines and wires and people poking around where they don't need to be. I can only have two people with me (I had Justine, John (of course), Jaimie and Jana at my house for Jack's birth). Basically, I don't want people trying to boss me around and I don't want to deal with the anxiety of people telling me what they think I should do and me having to argue with them.
Honestly, I'm scared to go to hospital. I don't care how many people have gone there and had successful births. Going to the hospital is scarier to me than giving birth at home any day. But it could be practically free with John's new insurance.
I'm stressed out about this. Again, I know God will care for us, hospital or home, rich or poor--as He always has. I'm just picky and hope that if I have to go to the hospital that I can get over my own fears.
A good movie to watch if you want to better understand where I'm coming from: The Business of Being Born.
Pregnancy Update: Morning sickness started today, so I stayed home. And I had a splitting migraine since yesterday, which already shows me that this pregnancy is different, since I never had a headache with Jack. Vomiting with a migraine is definitely on my top ten of most horrible feelings. Pants are just a little tighter.
At home:
I loved loved LOVED having Jack at home. Not only was the idea novel in today's society, but I could stay at home, in familiar surroundings, with only our germs. No new people, no foreign atmosphere, no one following procedure over what I want or need. I can't say it was exactly peaceful when I was going through a contraction but I was surrounded only by people I chose to be there in my own house.
Many people criticize this method of birth because if something goes wrong, they say, it may be too late to get help in time. This seems to come from a mindset that no one is monitoring me at all while I'm in labor at home, and that's simply not true. Our midwife, Justine, was once an EMT and is now a licensed midwife of more than 200 successful births.
She monitored me by phone before arriving, came over once I'd reached a regular pattern to my contractions and checked on Jack via Doppler and me via pulse checks throughout my labor. She carefully studied my condition throughout labor and assisted in the crowning and birth, as well as directing us in what to do with the cord and later, birthing the placenta. She examined me after the birth, applying a couple stitches as needed. I took a little too long to stop bleeding, so she sent me to the hospital as a precaution, but by the time I got there, the problem had righted itself. She accompanied us to the hospital, remained there as long as I was there (most of my stay there was to recover from the Demerol they gave me...what a doozy) and came back to the house with us.
I never felt that in any way my safety was compromised, since Justine could recognize any signs of distress and act on them accordingly.
Our dilemma is actually purely monetary: the midwife fee went up and if health insurance covers it, it's on a reimbursement basis, so we still have to shell out the money, which we don't rightfully have.
At the hospital:
I know hospitals play a very important part in successful births, especially high-risk pregnancies. I do not discount the hospital staff's expertise or the mother's wisdom in choosing to have their babies there. I do feel, however, that many of their interventions are unnecessary and more for their own convenience.
It is not always necessary to give a woman pitocin to start labor or speed up labor just because nothing is happening. It's not always needed to ripen the cervix when dilation is not happening quickly. Epidurals are useful sometimes, but what you give the mom reaches the baby. It is horrible to make women push their babies out while lying flat on their backs, since that means you're essentially pushing your baby uphill, up the curve of your tailbone.
I want to be able to walk around, sit on a pilates ball during contractions, get in a tub, and not be tied down by machines and wires and people poking around where they don't need to be. I can only have two people with me (I had Justine, John (of course), Jaimie and Jana at my house for Jack's birth). Basically, I don't want people trying to boss me around and I don't want to deal with the anxiety of people telling me what they think I should do and me having to argue with them.
Honestly, I'm scared to go to hospital. I don't care how many people have gone there and had successful births. Going to the hospital is scarier to me than giving birth at home any day. But it could be practically free with John's new insurance.
I'm stressed out about this. Again, I know God will care for us, hospital or home, rich or poor--as He always has. I'm just picky and hope that if I have to go to the hospital that I can get over my own fears.
A good movie to watch if you want to better understand where I'm coming from: The Business of Being Born.
Pregnancy Update: Morning sickness started today, so I stayed home. And I had a splitting migraine since yesterday, which already shows me that this pregnancy is different, since I never had a headache with Jack. Vomiting with a migraine is definitely on my top ten of most horrible feelings. Pants are just a little tighter.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
The pros and cons of pregnancy.
I titled this post as if I was making the decision to get pregnant, but I want to write about what I remember about my pregnancy with Jack that I did or didn't like. I know, I know, I know that this pregnancy may be completely different. But I've been thinking of all these things throughout the past few days and I thought I could relish them in greater detail here.
Pros:
Pros:
- I actually loved the attention. I knew it would be the last time it was "all about me."It was kinda fun to have everyone fuss of me.
- Not having to suck in my gut anymore.
- Feeling the baby move. It's such a private, adorable thing to experience. Sometimes not so comfortable, but still awesome.
- I love maternity pants and their lack of useless belt loops and buttons that dig into me. I think over-belly pants are gross, but the ones that sit under your belly are wonderful
- I actually admire the maternity close at Motherhood Maternity when I'm not pregnant. Now I can wear it without looking like I've just given up on my figure entirely!
- No one argues if I have to sit down.
- High schoolers are brutally honest at eliminating dumb choices for names. But another post on that later.
- I am big for a good reason. Not big for a bunch of lazy excuses, which is the rest of the time. ;-)
- No migraines! We'll see if that changes this time around, but I loved that.
- Great hair, skin and nails from hormones and vitamins!
- Sometimes people would gravitate toward my orb-like frontside like a moth to flame, walking toward me with a mile-wide smile and outstretched arm, as if the Force was drawing their hand there. It never bothered me one way or another--I didn't get defensive and I didn't quite embrace it--but sometimes it was just weird. Like one day a guy walked by with his family at Wal-Mart. He came over, unannounced, rubbed my belly and grinned a goofy smile. He whispered, "Congratulations!" and went back to his wife and kids. Weird enough. I can't imagine how confused and weirded out I'd feel if John touched a stranger's belly, then walked back to me as if it was normal. But here's the kicker: she looks at him and snaps, "What?!? Was three not ENOUGH for you? Do I not make you HAPPY???" Uh................ I didn't stick around for the rest of the argument.
- Why does everyone want my kid to be born on their birthday? Don't you realize that that just means I will NEVER come to your birthday party?
- Morning sickness, hands down. And the subsequent purchase in ginger ale stock.
- Having to waddle when I walk, which took FOR-EV-ER when trying to get to the bathroom. I would have to use the bathroom between EVERY CLASS. Add the aforementioned slow waddle, possible stairs and a million rude students in my way and I would be late to each class. Every. Time.
- Stretch marks. Ugly things, I know, but maybe, just maybe I won't get more because the old ones will just reappear??? Don't contradict me on this one. Just let me dream.
- Listening to people: I'm sorry, women, but many of you are thoughtless and ridiculously rude to pregnant women. I am trying to think "happy thoughts." Only another mom would try to add to a conversation about labor by describing how Mrs. So-and-So had a 8,670-hour labor and the epidural only numbed her throat so she couldn't tell the doctors when something was wrong and the baby came out with a leg growing out of his forehead and had no liver so he died an hour later. This is not helpful!
- Old wives' tales. Scratching your belly doesn't damage your belly skin unless you are Wolverine. The way babies "sit" in your belly does not always tell you what gender you have. My baby will not drown if I have him in water! There are tons of ridiculous things that people share!
- Not being able to reach my feet. John would have to lace up my Converse for me.
- Only being able to safely sleep on one side every night.
- Heartburn and the inability to enjoy tomatoes, orange juice or anything acidic.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Great video on healthy maternity
I found this great video on reducing infant mortality:
While I believe that there are definitely situations where medical technology is required when it comes to labor and birth, I am much more in support of a "hands off" approach if everything is going smoothly. I think interventions often happen unnecessarily and, sadly, many women are afraid to give birth because they think they can't physically do it on their own! On the contrary, God created a woman's body so amazingly that we are "made" to have babies! I don't mean that you are not fulfilling God's purpose if you choose not to have kids, but I mean that our bodies are able and willing to handle many of the scenarios naturally that we run to OB/GYNs for.
I know lots of people nowadays think a woman who wants to stand up during labor, squat to give birth, have a midwife or have a water birth is some kind of hippie in the backwoods, but it's the principle of letting nature take its course and, if there are complications, that's what the hospital is for.
I had jack at home, in a Softub spa in my living room and was so proud of that fact. I could do it! This is the one greatest thing that my body could accomplish, trained or not! No, it was not painless--far from it. I had no pain medications, but I walked around, sat and rocked on an exercise ball and later got in the tub. The contractions were unbelievably painful, but they came to an end finally at 7:48 a.m. that beautiful day of May 2, 2008 with a little purplish boy guided slowly up to the surface of the water, eyes open and looking at me.
There were no beeping sounds, no scrubs, no rush to wrestle him clean in a towel. It was just him, and me and his daddy. He gave one little cry, just to let us know he was okay, but then just quietly looked up at us, probably just as amazed at our blurry figures as we were at his slightly misshapen head, skinny little legs and werewolf hair on his back! I just couldn't believe, even then, that a real baby had been inside me...that never existed before and that John and I helped create! I made a baby! And I birthed a baby! Isn't God amazing?
I have been casually studying to be a doula for the past year or so...but it is hard to do with Jack being so young. A doula is a trained labor assistant that you can have with you in the hospital or at home to help you through labor and delivery. I would love to do it, but I believe it may be a dream for when I myself am done having babies and nursing. I hope I can do it one day. I would love to help other women have positive birth experiences too!
Reducing Infant Mortality from Debby Takikawa on Vimeo.
While I believe that there are definitely situations where medical technology is required when it comes to labor and birth, I am much more in support of a "hands off" approach if everything is going smoothly. I think interventions often happen unnecessarily and, sadly, many women are afraid to give birth because they think they can't physically do it on their own! On the contrary, God created a woman's body so amazingly that we are "made" to have babies! I don't mean that you are not fulfilling God's purpose if you choose not to have kids, but I mean that our bodies are able and willing to handle many of the scenarios naturally that we run to OB/GYNs for.
I know lots of people nowadays think a woman who wants to stand up during labor, squat to give birth, have a midwife or have a water birth is some kind of hippie in the backwoods, but it's the principle of letting nature take its course and, if there are complications, that's what the hospital is for.
I had jack at home, in a Softub spa in my living room and was so proud of that fact. I could do it! This is the one greatest thing that my body could accomplish, trained or not! No, it was not painless--far from it. I had no pain medications, but I walked around, sat and rocked on an exercise ball and later got in the tub. The contractions were unbelievably painful, but they came to an end finally at 7:48 a.m. that beautiful day of May 2, 2008 with a little purplish boy guided slowly up to the surface of the water, eyes open and looking at me.
There were no beeping sounds, no scrubs, no rush to wrestle him clean in a towel. It was just him, and me and his daddy. He gave one little cry, just to let us know he was okay, but then just quietly looked up at us, probably just as amazed at our blurry figures as we were at his slightly misshapen head, skinny little legs and werewolf hair on his back! I just couldn't believe, even then, that a real baby had been inside me...that never existed before and that John and I helped create! I made a baby! And I birthed a baby! Isn't God amazing?
I have been casually studying to be a doula for the past year or so...but it is hard to do with Jack being so young. A doula is a trained labor assistant that you can have with you in the hospital or at home to help you through labor and delivery. I would love to do it, but I believe it may be a dream for when I myself am done having babies and nursing. I hope I can do it one day. I would love to help other women have positive birth experiences too!
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