"He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe..."

"...is as good as dead; his eyes are closed." ~Einstein

It's odd that a moment of self-realization starts with something that I say. Normally it comes from outside sources, but not this week.

A little history before The Moment: John and I are systematically going through all the old episodes of The Office now that we have Netflix and can watch movies instantly on his Xbox (it's salve on the wound, since we didn't sign up for cable when we moved). John asked if I minded him turning it on one evening and I was initially a little hesitant, Jack (and I) having watched way too much Kipper and Thomas the Engine that day as I did (not do) chores. He argued, "I like watching the old episodes with you. It reminds me of the good times." I found myself saying, "These ARE the good times" and we proceeded to watch a couple episodes.

That little statement has affected how I've looked at everything since then. I hear occasionally that I should savor/treasure the moment, since time flies by so quickly. And no one really knows that more than a parent, because the growth of a child fills you with grief over memories gone and joy over new milestones reached everyday.

So I've tried to treasure the hours I spend with John and Jack, but even more so after this revelation.
--Even though I have more credit card debt than I ever thought possible after years of responsible spending in high school and college turned to foolish decisions and periods of unemployment.
--Even though the house we live in isn't our own when we'd so desperately wanted to buy. (Tax credit--helllllooooooooo?)
--The bathrooms aren't clean.
--The guest bedroom is used for storage and doesn't contain a bed.
--I'm still paying off bills from my little skipped-heartbeat scare from April 2008 (thank you Blue Cross).
--John has only one pair of non-work pants.

EVEN though our lives aren't perfect, this time won't pass again. Jack will not be 21 months forever and teething his second set of molars. He will not always intermix English words with baby babble. He will not always call milk "mnou" and raisins "way-saw." We will not always be this young.

But these are the good times, believe it or not.