I am having a lot of trouble sleeping during the past couple weeks. I don't sleep in any later, yet I'm finding myself up at ridiculous hours. It is 1:12 a.m. Jack has been asleep for about 90 minutes. John has been asleep since 10 p.m. I am exhausted, yet my mind keeps going, going, going.
Going about money.
Going about photography jobs I've got coming up.
Going about photography ideas I really want to play out but need willing subjects.
Going about photography equipment I think I need in order to get more photography jobs.
About the money I need for that.
So I need jobs.
And then there's housecleaning.
And all the things I want to do this summer...and it's already July, meaning I only have a month and half until school starts again (wahhhhhhhhh...).
Then I think about being huge and working again. Blech. But I am excited to work again because I need to chug out days and days and days from August to the middle of November so we can 1)pay monthly bills and 2) sock some money aside so we're not starving for a few months after the baby comes.
The toilet runs at random intervals and it's annoying. Sometimes it wakes up Jack.
And then there's worrying about my nutrition and Jack's, since I get lazy and don't fix/eat things I/we should sometimes. It was so much easier when Jack was inside me, quietly growing and I could THINK!
Then there's my office, which is the only room in the house that I really don't want anyone seeing because it's a DISASTER!!! (Anyone have a bookcase they can spare me? And a week of time to babysit so I can file 7 years of paperwork away PROPERLY?)
I haven't gotten the electric bill yet...I get it on my anniversary (July 9th)...ha ha ha. I am torn between sweating like a pig and not getting anything done out of sluggishness and passing out from seeing the bill because I chose to be comfortable. Ugh. Would have loved a swamp cooler.
The landlord is so much grumpier than any other we've had, so I don't dare ask for anything again, but there are ants, spiders and cockroaches. I've never had a landlord say they won't exterminate, that it's my problem, until now.
I need to put a firm handle on what we buy for food each month. I mean, everything that could possibly enter our mouths that's not free from someone else. Because the more random it is, the more expensive it is. And I have to overcome the laziness that is letting John grab a lunch out instead of packing one.
Then there's Jack and how he relies on me so ridiculously much that if my sisters (or John!) tries to give him something, he won't accept it unless they hand it to ME and I HAND IT TO HIM MYSELF!!! I need him to rely on John too, 'cause this new baby is going to be all Mama-clingy with the nursing/co-sleeping thing going on and I just can't have him needing me to do absolutely everything and crawling into bed sometime during the night. There's just no ROOM!
So I'm sure there are other things that bug me. Who can't think of just one or two or twenty more, seriously? But these are things that are on my mind now and it has helped to spit it all out for you. I think maybe I can sleep. G'night.
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