This baby is moving and turning and kicking and all sorts of things all day long. I love it. It's so nice to be reminded of this little life within me throughout the day. How strange to hae a living being within me! He is head-down already and I know right where his feet are...right at the top of my belly! There is a spot I can push and he almost always pushes right back. I'm happy that he's already in position and "organized" although I know he could move. It DOES makes me think about what I don't have ready yet if this baby comes early... Honestly I'm glad that this is my second baby because I am relaxed enough to know that there is only half an hour between being unprepared and having a pack of newborn diapers and the bassinet set up. :) What a blessing to be a mama-to-be for the second time!
Our biggest hurdle right now is simply picking a name. We have some options on our list, but we haven't settled on anything concrete. We have a name pool going so people can bet $5 on possible combinations from our lists and could possibly win a lot of money if they're right! (Contact Jill Moran or Melissa Jackson Pleer on my friend list for the chart and more details.) Of course, now that I've given them my first and middle name lists, I keep hearing other names that I'm not opposed to. I'm going to mess it all up, I know it. LOL
I am feeling pretty good now. I walk a little slower and occasionally I have aches and pains that feel quite foreign to me, but nothing impossible to bear. Painting my toenails is a long ordeal because I have to pause and lean back for air! The polish definitely has time to dry between coats! I think so far the hardest things for me are having the energy/willpower to keep up with housecleaning, to turn over in the middle of the night or get up period, and--honestly--to put on pants!
I will say that it seems to be much harder this time around to take good care of myself. I think it's because I'm doing so much more than during Jack's pregnancy that I forget. I forget prenatal vitamins occasionally. I forget to drink enough water. I forget to eat lots of protein. I DO however feel much more confident in my ability to get through this labor. I have studied much more about labor to realize what my uterus is doing and how to relax through a contraction (efficiency is yet to be seen, of course, but I'm so excited about the Bradley method!). I feel more confident that I WILL survive the actual delivery and very sure of what I want to happen/not happen during my labor/birth, barring honest complications. That helps to overcome the anxiety that lingers over the hospital birth issue.
That's about it this week! I'm so happy to be a mama!
Friday, September 17, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
29 weeks: To-dos pile up as I slow down
I am officially starting to slow down. Or, rather, become encumbered with this belly. I'm waddling about, amazed that this belly will get BIGGER, amazed that, as our little weekly baby update tells us, this baby will probably triple it's current weight of about 3 lbs. !!! I am amazed that these weeks are flying by and my time of "rest" (insert maniacal laughter here) is coming so quickly!
I'm worrying about all the normal things: going through labor again, going to the hospital this time and how that experience will be, the what-to-dos with Jack when that time comes, the financial end of the whole thing, taking care of TWO instead of one. I know I'm not alone in these worries and not all of these will be resolved as this baby appears. But I have had an overwhelming peace for the past, oh, three months. I don't get it and I could attribute it on pregnancy hormones or a positive attitude or what have you, but I really have to give God the credit for this. See, I'm a chronic worrier by nature and somehow when I think about my ten days of bedrest with Jack or when the van's registration bill comes in the mail, all that professional worrying has been reduced to a shrug and a seemingly-naive "It'll all work out" in my head. So that's gotta be God, cause it's not me!
Business is good...building slowly. Having a small business is quite a tangle of things to do and keep up with and while I'm grateful for the break to reevaluate and spend time with my family, the over-achiever in me wants to book portrait sessions on my due date. Yes, I'm also crazy. I'm just really excited at the idea of being able to work from home, even if it's harder work than babysitting teenagers six times a day. (More work, but much more respect...I'm *hoping* no one really calls me a *itch at a photo shoot, but I've gotten that in the classrom!) I am most excited about supporting my family doing something I love, something that brings joy to other people and is a positive thing to add to the world!
That's about all that's going on this week. The next week will be here before I know it, but only 11 weeks left...maybe less!
I'm worrying about all the normal things: going through labor again, going to the hospital this time and how that experience will be, the what-to-dos with Jack when that time comes, the financial end of the whole thing, taking care of TWO instead of one. I know I'm not alone in these worries and not all of these will be resolved as this baby appears. But I have had an overwhelming peace for the past, oh, three months. I don't get it and I could attribute it on pregnancy hormones or a positive attitude or what have you, but I really have to give God the credit for this. See, I'm a chronic worrier by nature and somehow when I think about my ten days of bedrest with Jack or when the van's registration bill comes in the mail, all that professional worrying has been reduced to a shrug and a seemingly-naive "It'll all work out" in my head. So that's gotta be God, cause it's not me!
Business is good...building slowly. Having a small business is quite a tangle of things to do and keep up with and while I'm grateful for the break to reevaluate and spend time with my family, the over-achiever in me wants to book portrait sessions on my due date. Yes, I'm also crazy. I'm just really excited at the idea of being able to work from home, even if it's harder work than babysitting teenagers six times a day. (More work, but much more respect...I'm *hoping* no one really calls me a *itch at a photo shoot, but I've gotten that in the classrom!) I am most excited about supporting my family doing something I love, something that brings joy to other people and is a positive thing to add to the world!
That's about all that's going on this week. The next week will be here before I know it, but only 11 weeks left...maybe less!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
28 weeks: How can this be?
This week my baby is the size of cauliflower or Chinese cabbage--sources conflict. . But I'm in my THIRD trimester--how could this happen so quickly? Surely Jack is partially to blame. I can't just sit and marvel quite at this new love as much as I did with him. I'm already catching on that my life is really going to change again and the constant conversation at home will probably not even include John or I!
Jack is learning and growing at an exponential rate. It's really extraordinary. I can't keep up and I guess that's okay.
Here are some recent "snapshots" of Jack:
*He will shout "Truck!" "Car"! "BIG truck!" "Baby truck!" "Firetruck!" "Bus!" from the car as we drive around.
*He will often say "Mommy" over and over with no discernible reason for doing so. I can answer him each time or not and the repetition stays the same. I like to think he likes to say my name and see me smile at him expectantly.
*Regarding names: If I don't answer to "Mommy" right away, he will bellow "Laaaaaane" to mimic dear Daddy who will do the same thing when I am running late or Daddy is running early.
*He often runs to me, lifts my shirt and kisses "the baby"...which has sometimes turned into him licking my tummy, but I don't quite get that. LOL
*He loves Rex (from Toy Story) and hugs the one Lollie got him, insisting on taking him nearly everywhere. The only other substitute is a white Mommy bear or white Baby bear that someone got us at some point.
*Yesterday he had Rice Krispies with cut up strawberries in it. He doesn't like food mixed or touching (thank you, John), but apparently if I leave him alone long enough, he stops protesting and eats it.
*When we are getting ready to leave, Jack asks, "Home?" meaning he wants to leave home. When we're out and he's ready to leave, he asks the same thing.
*Whenever we leave home or arrive home he wants to pick a "purry fower"...one of the little clover flowers or dandelions that pepper our lawn. Then, invariably, he will behead the flower, exclaim, "Fower brok-key (broken)" and toss both pieces in the car or on the ground.
*He will grab living spiders and hand them to me as they squirm and fight for life. Yesterday he grabbed a Daddy Long Legs and said, "Mommy! O-puss! (Octopus)" Sheesh! I don't want him to be terribly scared of bugs but a little fear would be appreciated. At least before he tries to hand me a black widow or brown recluse.
*In the evening I will strip him down to nothing and let him run around the backyard, so he can go "swimming"...which is just him trying to splash around and make the biggest mess possible in 4" of water in a plastic kiddie pool. Then he runs around and tries to throw things at poor Brownie girl. Jack has started asking for this at all times of the day, saying, "Daddy home? Swimming?"
*Late at night, more nights than not, Jack will wake up, open his door and come into ours. Our ginormous Cal King bed is a little high for him to climb into without help, so he will pat my back or arm and ask, "Mommy? Mommy? THIS bed?" Then in my sleep-induced stupor I may pull him over me to sleep in between Daddy and I or be a wise Mama and heave myself up, take his tiny hand in mine and take him to his room. He will climb in bed and I will cover him, then I'll sit on the floor with my arms and head his bed until he falls asleep. Yawn. Then I go back to bed and pray that the alarm doesn't ring in 10 minutes.
*With much much MUCH harrassment, Jack is starting to understand that he can play with toys from the toy box or his Mega Blocks...and has to put one away to get the other. Otherwise the living room becomes a vertible mine field of pain.
Here are some recent "snapshots" of Baby:
*He kicks like a punter. Not painful yet, just surprising. Whenever I stop moving, he'll take a turn. This is so much fun! I love that I can enjoy him whenever I rest.
*No stretch marks yet (not counting the tiger-mauling that Jack already provided this belly).
*My belly is huge. Much bigger than I thought I was at the same time with Jack. It doesn't feel like there's anymore room to my stomach or give to my skin (see STRETCH MARKS).
*I am starting to freak out now...not a full-out panic, but I'm definitely aware that HOLY CRAP I'M GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY! More specifically, I have to go through LABOR AGAIN. And at the hospital this time, which is NOT a relieving thought in my mind. And I have to RECOVER from labor. Ugh. I hope things go smoothly.
*I eat and drink more when I'm at work than when I'm at home. Doesn't make any sense.
*I waddle. Have for like, four months. Maybe I just gave up.
*I have a few spider veins. That's gross, but not as gross as vericose veins, so I'm grateful.
*I have all the boy clothes I could ever want, so PLEASE don't buy me any. I need diapers and a new crib mattress and a nursing pump and cash. That's just about it.
To Jack:
Little love, you are everything to me. For now, I love you the best--I can say that! I love your big grin and how you say "rEEEEEEEad-a-book" and for your Mommy-esque love of cereal. I love the little curls that fight against this mainstream haircut to come out. I love your giggles...and how you giggle when I SAY giggle. You are fun 99% of the time and I can take 1% of anything for all of that. THANK YOU for being the baby I got, for this perfect, God-given combination of John and I and so much more that neither of us could have given you ourselves. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Mama
To Baby:
I am waiting for your arrival, but I don't have to wait long! Only 12 weeks until we're close to showtime! And what if you come earlier? Wow! This pregnancy has gone so fast. I hope you're doing great in there, though your ultrasound 8 weeks ago looked perfect and your kicks and bumps and swirls tell me you are just as active as your brother. I am always in awe that I have a PERSON inside me...that you will come out and cry and nurse and learn to talk and walk just like Jack did. I am in awe that you will have your own personality--perhaps like or perhaps completely unlike us or your brother. It's hard to imagine that we can make a different combination...that it won't just be another Jack. But I'm glad for it. That would be fun, but boring at the same time. I am excited to see your scrunchy face and pack the pounds on you through our many, many nursing sessions. Grow strong, sweet one. I have so much to show you!
Mama
Jack is learning and growing at an exponential rate. It's really extraordinary. I can't keep up and I guess that's okay.
Here are some recent "snapshots" of Jack:
*He will shout "Truck!" "Car"! "BIG truck!" "Baby truck!" "Firetruck!" "Bus!" from the car as we drive around.
*He will often say "Mommy" over and over with no discernible reason for doing so. I can answer him each time or not and the repetition stays the same. I like to think he likes to say my name and see me smile at him expectantly.
*Regarding names: If I don't answer to "Mommy" right away, he will bellow "Laaaaaane" to mimic dear Daddy who will do the same thing when I am running late or Daddy is running early.
*He often runs to me, lifts my shirt and kisses "the baby"...which has sometimes turned into him licking my tummy, but I don't quite get that. LOL
*He loves Rex (from Toy Story) and hugs the one Lollie got him, insisting on taking him nearly everywhere. The only other substitute is a white Mommy bear or white Baby bear that someone got us at some point.
*Yesterday he had Rice Krispies with cut up strawberries in it. He doesn't like food mixed or touching (thank you, John), but apparently if I leave him alone long enough, he stops protesting and eats it.
*When we are getting ready to leave, Jack asks, "Home?" meaning he wants to leave home. When we're out and he's ready to leave, he asks the same thing.
*Whenever we leave home or arrive home he wants to pick a "purry fower"...one of the little clover flowers or dandelions that pepper our lawn. Then, invariably, he will behead the flower, exclaim, "Fower brok-key (broken)" and toss both pieces in the car or on the ground.
*He will grab living spiders and hand them to me as they squirm and fight for life. Yesterday he grabbed a Daddy Long Legs and said, "Mommy! O-puss! (Octopus)" Sheesh! I don't want him to be terribly scared of bugs but a little fear would be appreciated. At least before he tries to hand me a black widow or brown recluse.
*In the evening I will strip him down to nothing and let him run around the backyard, so he can go "swimming"...which is just him trying to splash around and make the biggest mess possible in 4" of water in a plastic kiddie pool. Then he runs around and tries to throw things at poor Brownie girl. Jack has started asking for this at all times of the day, saying, "Daddy home? Swimming?"
*Late at night, more nights than not, Jack will wake up, open his door and come into ours. Our ginormous Cal King bed is a little high for him to climb into without help, so he will pat my back or arm and ask, "Mommy? Mommy? THIS bed?" Then in my sleep-induced stupor I may pull him over me to sleep in between Daddy and I or be a wise Mama and heave myself up, take his tiny hand in mine and take him to his room. He will climb in bed and I will cover him, then I'll sit on the floor with my arms and head his bed until he falls asleep. Yawn. Then I go back to bed and pray that the alarm doesn't ring in 10 minutes.
*With much much MUCH harrassment, Jack is starting to understand that he can play with toys from the toy box or his Mega Blocks...and has to put one away to get the other. Otherwise the living room becomes a vertible mine field of pain.
Here are some recent "snapshots" of Baby:
*He kicks like a punter. Not painful yet, just surprising. Whenever I stop moving, he'll take a turn. This is so much fun! I love that I can enjoy him whenever I rest.
*No stretch marks yet (not counting the tiger-mauling that Jack already provided this belly).
*My belly is huge. Much bigger than I thought I was at the same time with Jack. It doesn't feel like there's anymore room to my stomach or give to my skin (see STRETCH MARKS).
*I am starting to freak out now...not a full-out panic, but I'm definitely aware that HOLY CRAP I'M GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY! More specifically, I have to go through LABOR AGAIN. And at the hospital this time, which is NOT a relieving thought in my mind. And I have to RECOVER from labor. Ugh. I hope things go smoothly.
*I eat and drink more when I'm at work than when I'm at home. Doesn't make any sense.
*I waddle. Have for like, four months. Maybe I just gave up.
*I have a few spider veins. That's gross, but not as gross as vericose veins, so I'm grateful.
*I have all the boy clothes I could ever want, so PLEASE don't buy me any. I need diapers and a new crib mattress and a nursing pump and cash. That's just about it.
To Jack:
Little love, you are everything to me. For now, I love you the best--I can say that! I love your big grin and how you say "rEEEEEEEad-a-book" and for your Mommy-esque love of cereal. I love the little curls that fight against this mainstream haircut to come out. I love your giggles...and how you giggle when I SAY giggle. You are fun 99% of the time and I can take 1% of anything for all of that. THANK YOU for being the baby I got, for this perfect, God-given combination of John and I and so much more that neither of us could have given you ourselves. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Mama
To Baby:
I am waiting for your arrival, but I don't have to wait long! Only 12 weeks until we're close to showtime! And what if you come earlier? Wow! This pregnancy has gone so fast. I hope you're doing great in there, though your ultrasound 8 weeks ago looked perfect and your kicks and bumps and swirls tell me you are just as active as your brother. I am always in awe that I have a PERSON inside me...that you will come out and cry and nurse and learn to talk and walk just like Jack did. I am in awe that you will have your own personality--perhaps like or perhaps completely unlike us or your brother. It's hard to imagine that we can make a different combination...that it won't just be another Jack. But I'm glad for it. That would be fun, but boring at the same time. I am excited to see your scrunchy face and pack the pounds on you through our many, many nursing sessions. Grow strong, sweet one. I have so much to show you!
Mama
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
21 weeks: Pregnant and everyone knows it
I really do feel sad for women who have a difficult pregnancy or who do not like being pregnant. I'm not saying pregnancy is a piece of cake. There are plenty of things I don't care for while they're happening: morning sickness (which ranges from a rumbly tummy to dry heaves to full-out losing all your stomach acid and anything else in there), random joint pain (which for me usually consists of my hips acting like they've welded shut after being in one position for awhile), random ligament pain, an overall feeling of barn-like proportions, kissing my feet goodbye for a few months, an intolerance for Jack's whining about me not being physically able to pick him up and carry him everywhere, etc. etc. etc.
But I LOVE being pregnant. I really really do.
I appreciate the lack of expectation from others. No one really expects me to do a whole lot of lifting, carrying, dieting, strenuous exercising, yard work, housework. Okay, not true. I can't get out of housework or dirty laundry, toys and smashed Goldfish crackers would eat us alive. But I can get people to lift the dog food into my cart and even lift it into my car without looking or feeling like a lazy bum. Pregnancy appeals to my lazy side.
I appreciate the knowing smiles I now get as people look at my face, down to my belly, then back at my face. It's the "aw, a pregnant lady" look that is not annoying to me at all. It's not like the "Oh, you have a HUGE mole on your face/peg leg/tattoo of a naked girl on your rotund gut! Okay, I'm not going to look, don't look, don't look--agh! Had to look." look. Also I am already on the curvy side, so I think that this is one period of my life when the front legitimately balances out the back guilt-free. So pregnancy appeals to my pride as well.
I appreciate the attention I get. Yes, this may be related to pride, but all in all I think it relates to my self-esteem. I try to act like I have plenty of "esteem" and confidence, just like all of you women reading this. But we are little liars, aren't we? We know about the cellulite hiding within the walls of those jeans. We walk quickly by the mirror after we get out of the shower and pray that we had the water hot enough to fog it up in case we steal a glance despite ourselves. We are flaw-finders, in ourselves and in others. A nasty, ugly habit. So to have people in a general state of awe, glee and respect for my bulgy, swollen, overheated body is pretty much one of the biggest boosts I can get any day of my life. If I try to get the same enthusiasm out of people when my kids are in high school, trust me it won't happen. So pregnancy appeals to my self-image.
I appreciate life more. Who can honestly say they aren't in total awe of life in general when they're pregnant? God lets us make our own people!!! I know that sounds kind of childish, but I think it's amazing that God gives us partial credit in this process. And that, each time, He somehow manages to take the best of mom and dad genetically and blend them together into a child. I mean, I tried one of those "upload your photos and see what kind of kid you'd make" and apparently without God's help my child would always look like a transvestite. Seriously. it looked like me with an Adam's apple and a five o'clock shadow. People begged me to take it off myspace. So I am in awe of the whole process, especially when the kid is OUT and you think "If someone said they had to put this IN me I'd say NO WAY!!! It'll never fit!" And somehow it did. So pregnancy appeals to my optimism.
I appreciate my body more. I mean, I actively strive to take care of myself as a top-three priority. Now I'm actually thinking about things like "I need to eat protein within the hour" and "I will just have a sliver of chocolate cake. Really." I'll even keep track of my water intake, which I never usually do. I usually just drink when I'm thirsty and that's about it. So pregnancy appeals to my body as a whole.
--------
Jack is growing by leaps and bounds...literally. He jumps everywhere. Women stop me and tell me how gorgeous he is and never, EVER cut his hair. All those golden locks entrance women young and old. That's it--I'm shaving his head when he hits puberty.
He was so good today...we went into Bed, Bath & Beyond and didn't even get a cart...he just held my hand and we walked around the whole store. Then we walked down to Trader Joe's to look for asparagus, which was way too expensive, so we went to Petsmart and looked at all the "fishies" and "birdies" and "kitties." Then we saw one of the really long firetrucks, which Jack loved. We drove to Costco and we walked in the back to get asparagus, then Jack carried one of the bags up front alongside me...now isn't that adorable? I'm hoping it equals a good nap in a few minutes. :)
Baby #2 is growing and growing. I no longer look just chubby. I have a pronounced baby bump and am very happy to strut it around (because I would catch myself subconsciously sticking my gut out in public to accentuate the bump and now I don't have to.).
We found out a week ago today that baby is a boy! We are so very happy, and so VERY sure. My second son, ahem, takes after his brother in, um...well, there's just no question. (Baby girls take note, I guess, for 20 years down the line.)
I have felt him kick on several different occasions--just a flutter here and there, but it makes me so happy. He's got my placenta and a little "Jack-era" pudge to kick through, so he must be pretty strong already. Sources are confused as to whether he's a banana or a carrot, but he's between 11 oz and a full pound now. I believe the full pound. I've definitely grown a lot, even just this week.
I love you, my little ones. I can't fathom life without you.
But I LOVE being pregnant. I really really do.
I appreciate the lack of expectation from others. No one really expects me to do a whole lot of lifting, carrying, dieting, strenuous exercising, yard work, housework. Okay, not true. I can't get out of housework or dirty laundry, toys and smashed Goldfish crackers would eat us alive. But I can get people to lift the dog food into my cart and even lift it into my car without looking or feeling like a lazy bum. Pregnancy appeals to my lazy side.
I appreciate the knowing smiles I now get as people look at my face, down to my belly, then back at my face. It's the "aw, a pregnant lady" look that is not annoying to me at all. It's not like the "Oh, you have a HUGE mole on your face/peg leg/tattoo of a naked girl on your rotund gut! Okay, I'm not going to look, don't look, don't look--agh! Had to look." look. Also I am already on the curvy side, so I think that this is one period of my life when the front legitimately balances out the back guilt-free. So pregnancy appeals to my pride as well.
I appreciate the attention I get. Yes, this may be related to pride, but all in all I think it relates to my self-esteem. I try to act like I have plenty of "esteem" and confidence, just like all of you women reading this. But we are little liars, aren't we? We know about the cellulite hiding within the walls of those jeans. We walk quickly by the mirror after we get out of the shower and pray that we had the water hot enough to fog it up in case we steal a glance despite ourselves. We are flaw-finders, in ourselves and in others. A nasty, ugly habit. So to have people in a general state of awe, glee and respect for my bulgy, swollen, overheated body is pretty much one of the biggest boosts I can get any day of my life. If I try to get the same enthusiasm out of people when my kids are in high school, trust me it won't happen. So pregnancy appeals to my self-image.
I appreciate life more. Who can honestly say they aren't in total awe of life in general when they're pregnant? God lets us make our own people!!! I know that sounds kind of childish, but I think it's amazing that God gives us partial credit in this process. And that, each time, He somehow manages to take the best of mom and dad genetically and blend them together into a child. I mean, I tried one of those "upload your photos and see what kind of kid you'd make" and apparently without God's help my child would always look like a transvestite. Seriously. it looked like me with an Adam's apple and a five o'clock shadow. People begged me to take it off myspace. So I am in awe of the whole process, especially when the kid is OUT and you think "If someone said they had to put this IN me I'd say NO WAY!!! It'll never fit!" And somehow it did. So pregnancy appeals to my optimism.
I appreciate my body more. I mean, I actively strive to take care of myself as a top-three priority. Now I'm actually thinking about things like "I need to eat protein within the hour" and "I will just have a sliver of chocolate cake. Really." I'll even keep track of my water intake, which I never usually do. I usually just drink when I'm thirsty and that's about it. So pregnancy appeals to my body as a whole.
--------
Jack is growing by leaps and bounds...literally. He jumps everywhere. Women stop me and tell me how gorgeous he is and never, EVER cut his hair. All those golden locks entrance women young and old. That's it--I'm shaving his head when he hits puberty.
He was so good today...we went into Bed, Bath & Beyond and didn't even get a cart...he just held my hand and we walked around the whole store. Then we walked down to Trader Joe's to look for asparagus, which was way too expensive, so we went to Petsmart and looked at all the "fishies" and "birdies" and "kitties." Then we saw one of the really long firetrucks, which Jack loved. We drove to Costco and we walked in the back to get asparagus, then Jack carried one of the bags up front alongside me...now isn't that adorable? I'm hoping it equals a good nap in a few minutes. :)
Baby #2 is growing and growing. I no longer look just chubby. I have a pronounced baby bump and am very happy to strut it around (because I would catch myself subconsciously sticking my gut out in public to accentuate the bump and now I don't have to.).
We found out a week ago today that baby is a boy! We are so very happy, and so VERY sure. My second son, ahem, takes after his brother in, um...well, there's just no question. (Baby girls take note, I guess, for 20 years down the line.)
I have felt him kick on several different occasions--just a flutter here and there, but it makes me so happy. He's got my placenta and a little "Jack-era" pudge to kick through, so he must be pretty strong already. Sources are confused as to whether he's a banana or a carrot, but he's between 11 oz and a full pound now. I believe the full pound. I've definitely grown a lot, even just this week.
I love you, my little ones. I can't fathom life without you.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Burning the midnight oil--well, I'm whining, honestly
I am having a lot of trouble sleeping during the past couple weeks. I don't sleep in any later, yet I'm finding myself up at ridiculous hours. It is 1:12 a.m. Jack has been asleep for about 90 minutes. John has been asleep since 10 p.m. I am exhausted, yet my mind keeps going, going, going.
Going about money.
Going about photography jobs I've got coming up.
Going about photography ideas I really want to play out but need willing subjects.
Going about photography equipment I think I need in order to get more photography jobs.
About the money I need for that.
So I need jobs.
And then there's housecleaning.
And all the things I want to do this summer...and it's already July, meaning I only have a month and half until school starts again (wahhhhhhhhh...).
Then I think about being huge and working again. Blech. But I am excited to work again because I need to chug out days and days and days from August to the middle of November so we can 1)pay monthly bills and 2) sock some money aside so we're not starving for a few months after the baby comes.
The toilet runs at random intervals and it's annoying. Sometimes it wakes up Jack.
And then there's worrying about my nutrition and Jack's, since I get lazy and don't fix/eat things I/we should sometimes. It was so much easier when Jack was inside me, quietly growing and I could THINK!
Then there's my office, which is the only room in the house that I really don't want anyone seeing because it's a DISASTER!!! (Anyone have a bookcase they can spare me? And a week of time to babysit so I can file 7 years of paperwork away PROPERLY?)
I haven't gotten the electric bill yet...I get it on my anniversary (July 9th)...ha ha ha. I am torn between sweating like a pig and not getting anything done out of sluggishness and passing out from seeing the bill because I chose to be comfortable. Ugh. Would have loved a swamp cooler.
The landlord is so much grumpier than any other we've had, so I don't dare ask for anything again, but there are ants, spiders and cockroaches. I've never had a landlord say they won't exterminate, that it's my problem, until now.
I need to put a firm handle on what we buy for food each month. I mean, everything that could possibly enter our mouths that's not free from someone else. Because the more random it is, the more expensive it is. And I have to overcome the laziness that is letting John grab a lunch out instead of packing one.
Then there's Jack and how he relies on me so ridiculously much that if my sisters (or John!) tries to give him something, he won't accept it unless they hand it to ME and I HAND IT TO HIM MYSELF!!! I need him to rely on John too, 'cause this new baby is going to be all Mama-clingy with the nursing/co-sleeping thing going on and I just can't have him needing me to do absolutely everything and crawling into bed sometime during the night. There's just no ROOM!
So I'm sure there are other things that bug me. Who can't think of just one or two or twenty more, seriously? But these are things that are on my mind now and it has helped to spit it all out for you. I think maybe I can sleep. G'night.
Going about money.
Going about photography jobs I've got coming up.
Going about photography ideas I really want to play out but need willing subjects.
Going about photography equipment I think I need in order to get more photography jobs.
About the money I need for that.
So I need jobs.
And then there's housecleaning.
And all the things I want to do this summer...and it's already July, meaning I only have a month and half until school starts again (wahhhhhhhhh...).
Then I think about being huge and working again. Blech. But I am excited to work again because I need to chug out days and days and days from August to the middle of November so we can 1)pay monthly bills and 2) sock some money aside so we're not starving for a few months after the baby comes.
The toilet runs at random intervals and it's annoying. Sometimes it wakes up Jack.
And then there's worrying about my nutrition and Jack's, since I get lazy and don't fix/eat things I/we should sometimes. It was so much easier when Jack was inside me, quietly growing and I could THINK!
Then there's my office, which is the only room in the house that I really don't want anyone seeing because it's a DISASTER!!! (Anyone have a bookcase they can spare me? And a week of time to babysit so I can file 7 years of paperwork away PROPERLY?)
I haven't gotten the electric bill yet...I get it on my anniversary (July 9th)...ha ha ha. I am torn between sweating like a pig and not getting anything done out of sluggishness and passing out from seeing the bill because I chose to be comfortable. Ugh. Would have loved a swamp cooler.
The landlord is so much grumpier than any other we've had, so I don't dare ask for anything again, but there are ants, spiders and cockroaches. I've never had a landlord say they won't exterminate, that it's my problem, until now.
I need to put a firm handle on what we buy for food each month. I mean, everything that could possibly enter our mouths that's not free from someone else. Because the more random it is, the more expensive it is. And I have to overcome the laziness that is letting John grab a lunch out instead of packing one.
Then there's Jack and how he relies on me so ridiculously much that if my sisters (or John!) tries to give him something, he won't accept it unless they hand it to ME and I HAND IT TO HIM MYSELF!!! I need him to rely on John too, 'cause this new baby is going to be all Mama-clingy with the nursing/co-sleeping thing going on and I just can't have him needing me to do absolutely everything and crawling into bed sometime during the night. There's just no ROOM!
So I'm sure there are other things that bug me. Who can't think of just one or two or twenty more, seriously? But these are things that are on my mind now and it has helped to spit it all out for you. I think maybe I can sleep. G'night.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Week 19: My little mango & my gigantic watermelon
Sweet new little love,
I don't know where this time is going...it is zooming by so quickly and I am nearly half-way to holding you in my arms! I don't even know if you're a girl or boy yet, which is maddening, but also really special. I like not being able to harbor thoughts of you based on gender. It is all still a mystery and that's nice. However, your Daddy and I ARE chomping at the bit to start picking (arguing over) names. As soon as Daddy saw your brother on the ultrasound, he just announced his name to anyone within listening radius after that, so I am wondering what story we will have to tell you about how your name was chosen.
I don't have morning sickness anymore--praise GOD!!! The relaxin that courses through my body, relaxing joints and ligaments is working overtime and I am frequently having aches and pains that don't make a whole lot of sense. I follow a prenatal yoga DVD at least twice a week, which wears me out and relaxing me at the same time. Your brother climbs all over me and tries to knock me down when I am in various yoga poses, so that's Jack saying hi when you get bumped by a big head or feel me gently tumble to the floor from a triangle pose.
Daddy and I can't believe we're nearly halfway there...and I am still waiting for a definite sign from you that you're doing all the stretching and squirming I keep reading about. We worry about silly things like money and bills, but only because we want what's best for you and Jack. We love you so much that it's often hard to talk about the love we feel--but I know you must feel it already through me.
I can't wait to "see" you on the 7th during the ultrasound, little mango. I know I will cry and Daddy may too (but that's because this love fills our hearts and spills over this way!).
See you soon, tiny one!
Love, Mama
-----------
To Jack, my little love and enormous watermelon,
You amaze me every day. Every single day. I can't believe all the things you learn. Now you're speaking short sentences "I'll do it" and you will call out for things when you're looking for them: "Shoooooooooooooes....where are yoouuuuuuuuuu?"
You preface each thing you say with some sort of gibberish that seems to introduce each concept. Confusing but adorable.
You love water and call any water you see a "bath," including oceans and lakes you see in books and on TV. You say, "No Brownie!" when she tries to sniff you or give you kisses and you lay on your stomach in front of the sliding window, chin propped in hands, ankles crossed behind you and talk to her, saying "Hi, puppy!"
You have begun to say "Hi!!!" and waving, often when you know you're in trouble and you want to distract me with cuteness (it does, but I don't show it). You whine a LOT when you don't get your way.
For about a week now I have been able to read you stories in the rocking chair in your room, then get you to lay down in your bed, read you a few more and then practically smother you--at your request--so my skin touches yours, until you fall asleep. Miraculously, this has worked from the first day we tried it!!! We still face the issue of you getting up before we're ready to and climbing into our bed, which limits my options severely and wakes Daddy up for the day. I don't know how much longer I can handle that with my growing belly, but I'm trying, love. I love your soft skin and how you often sleep with your hand on my face. How cute is that?!?
Your diet consists mostly of yogurt, bananas, cereal and the occasional meat we feed you from our plates. You are a particular child. You could eat fruit and dairy all day, just like Mama, but you have certain likes that surprise me, like Daddy's spicy rice and chicken dish...and cabbage ("leaves).
I can't believe you're nearly 26 months--how could your birth have been so long ago? You are so big and so strong and sooooo stubborn. I love you more than anyone right now, anyone on earth. Sometimes I fear something happening to you, ripping my joy from me, but I can't dwell on that. I enjoy you wholeheartedly and love you totally. I will hold you today, cuddle you today, kiss you over and over again today and not fear tomorrow for I'm too weak to stand the thought.
Love you, punkin pie.
Mama
I don't know where this time is going...it is zooming by so quickly and I am nearly half-way to holding you in my arms! I don't even know if you're a girl or boy yet, which is maddening, but also really special. I like not being able to harbor thoughts of you based on gender. It is all still a mystery and that's nice. However, your Daddy and I ARE chomping at the bit to start picking (arguing over) names. As soon as Daddy saw your brother on the ultrasound, he just announced his name to anyone within listening radius after that, so I am wondering what story we will have to tell you about how your name was chosen.
I don't have morning sickness anymore--praise GOD!!! The relaxin that courses through my body, relaxing joints and ligaments is working overtime and I am frequently having aches and pains that don't make a whole lot of sense. I follow a prenatal yoga DVD at least twice a week, which wears me out and relaxing me at the same time. Your brother climbs all over me and tries to knock me down when I am in various yoga poses, so that's Jack saying hi when you get bumped by a big head or feel me gently tumble to the floor from a triangle pose.
Daddy and I can't believe we're nearly halfway there...and I am still waiting for a definite sign from you that you're doing all the stretching and squirming I keep reading about. We worry about silly things like money and bills, but only because we want what's best for you and Jack. We love you so much that it's often hard to talk about the love we feel--but I know you must feel it already through me.
I can't wait to "see" you on the 7th during the ultrasound, little mango. I know I will cry and Daddy may too (but that's because this love fills our hearts and spills over this way!).
See you soon, tiny one!
Love, Mama
-----------
To Jack, my little love and enormous watermelon,
You amaze me every day. Every single day. I can't believe all the things you learn. Now you're speaking short sentences "I'll do it" and you will call out for things when you're looking for them: "Shoooooooooooooes....where are yoouuuuuuuuuu?"
You preface each thing you say with some sort of gibberish that seems to introduce each concept. Confusing but adorable.
You love water and call any water you see a "bath," including oceans and lakes you see in books and on TV. You say, "No Brownie!" when she tries to sniff you or give you kisses and you lay on your stomach in front of the sliding window, chin propped in hands, ankles crossed behind you and talk to her, saying "Hi, puppy!"
You have begun to say "Hi!!!" and waving, often when you know you're in trouble and you want to distract me with cuteness (it does, but I don't show it). You whine a LOT when you don't get your way.
For about a week now I have been able to read you stories in the rocking chair in your room, then get you to lay down in your bed, read you a few more and then practically smother you--at your request--so my skin touches yours, until you fall asleep. Miraculously, this has worked from the first day we tried it!!! We still face the issue of you getting up before we're ready to and climbing into our bed, which limits my options severely and wakes Daddy up for the day. I don't know how much longer I can handle that with my growing belly, but I'm trying, love. I love your soft skin and how you often sleep with your hand on my face. How cute is that?!?
Your diet consists mostly of yogurt, bananas, cereal and the occasional meat we feed you from our plates. You are a particular child. You could eat fruit and dairy all day, just like Mama, but you have certain likes that surprise me, like Daddy's spicy rice and chicken dish...and cabbage ("leaves).
I can't believe you're nearly 26 months--how could your birth have been so long ago? You are so big and so strong and sooooo stubborn. I love you more than anyone right now, anyone on earth. Sometimes I fear something happening to you, ripping my joy from me, but I can't dwell on that. I enjoy you wholeheartedly and love you totally. I will hold you today, cuddle you today, kiss you over and over again today and not fear tomorrow for I'm too weak to stand the thought.
Love you, punkin pie.
Mama
Monday, June 7, 2010
My little avocado
I look forward to every Tuesday now: it's this little one's "birthday"...the day the baby turns one week older and I get more excited about all the preparations that go into bringing another one in the world. I can't wait to see what it "is" (boy, girl, dragon, Italian chef...), but hearing the heartbeat last week was wonderful enough. It made me cry, so the doctor gave me a tissue. :) I just can't believe I am capable (through God, obviously) of sustaining life within me--a new life that wasn't there before and that is totally different from Jack! I hope to feel something, but that's my impatience...I loved feeling Jack move inside me and I am so excited to feel this one!
Tomorrow I will know what "fruit/vegetable size" it is for this week, but this past week the baby has been as long as an avocado. When we were at the farmer's market on Saturday I pointed that out to John and we shared an excited, dopey grin!
I am fully in maternity clothes now, which I was not dreading. I actually like them (while I'm pregnant). I am drinking iced pregnancy tea like crazy and popping pills each day (prenatals, DHA and other "hippie" supplements that made Jack the way he is today). I try to eat well, but either way I eat often, and drink tons of water. I exercise to a prenatal yoga DVD as often as I remember and am making an effort to bake things at home that are more expensive to buy, although I am reluctant now that it's so hot. (I wish the oven was in the garage...but I don't want to work in there either. Grrr.)
I am treasuring this time with Jack, trying to imagine how it will be with another baby...wondering how bad the jealousy will be, since Jack has been the center of my universe for more than two years now. I'm going to have to stop calling him my favorite or that I love him "best of all" too. ;) At least he's too young to know when I leave those things out.
I am so busy this month already that I feel like I can't breathe, but it is different than regular work. It's not a matter of putting time in and going home. I have to work around Jack and John and sometimes that is the harder thing.
My photo business is picking up and I am trying a few new business methods that I'm excited about. I think the hardest part of advertising my boudoir photography is that morally I only want to photograph engaged or married women, but it sounds rude to say to people interested in my services. I mean, I'm not going to bend the rules for the sake of not appearing rude, but I do realize that somewhere down the line this will cause me to lose business here and there. However, in the end my intent is to serve God by strengthening marriages so I am not worried about the occasional lost sale.
I DO hope boudoir bookings will pick up and I can possibly replace my substitute income with this sort of thing, as it is much less of a time-suck. (I think to replace my income I only need between six and ten clients a month.) And I LOVE doing this, which is much better than being disrespected by teenagers and sometimes feeling like I barely survived the day at the high schools!
To John: I am so excited about our growing family--who knew when we met at that bbq ten years ago that we'd be married with a beautiful boy (and another on the way)!
To Jack: I love this time with you, just Mommy & her precious boy, playing games, running through the sprinklers and eating pb&j's together. I love cuddling you and spending time with you, even when you are desperately trying to snatch the mouse from me like right now. I love you, punkin pie.
To my little growing one: I can't believe I get another opportunity to be a mama! I am so excited to see you, to feel you, to have a little one grunting and rooting to nurse, to give baby baths to and deeply take in that delicious newborn smell! Being pregnant with your big brother taught me all the little surprises that come with pregnancy and new mamahood, but I think I can enjoy this time even more with you, since I know what things I most look forward to enjoying again! I want to just stare at you, watch your sleep, enjoy nursing a little one again, search for nearly microscopic baby socks in piles of laundry and NOT WORRY AS MUCH! I am already in love with loving you!
Tomorrow I will know what "fruit/vegetable size" it is for this week, but this past week the baby has been as long as an avocado. When we were at the farmer's market on Saturday I pointed that out to John and we shared an excited, dopey grin!
I am fully in maternity clothes now, which I was not dreading. I actually like them (while I'm pregnant). I am drinking iced pregnancy tea like crazy and popping pills each day (prenatals, DHA and other "hippie" supplements that made Jack the way he is today). I try to eat well, but either way I eat often, and drink tons of water. I exercise to a prenatal yoga DVD as often as I remember and am making an effort to bake things at home that are more expensive to buy, although I am reluctant now that it's so hot. (I wish the oven was in the garage...but I don't want to work in there either. Grrr.)
I am treasuring this time with Jack, trying to imagine how it will be with another baby...wondering how bad the jealousy will be, since Jack has been the center of my universe for more than two years now. I'm going to have to stop calling him my favorite or that I love him "best of all" too. ;) At least he's too young to know when I leave those things out.
I am so busy this month already that I feel like I can't breathe, but it is different than regular work. It's not a matter of putting time in and going home. I have to work around Jack and John and sometimes that is the harder thing.
My photo business is picking up and I am trying a few new business methods that I'm excited about. I think the hardest part of advertising my boudoir photography is that morally I only want to photograph engaged or married women, but it sounds rude to say to people interested in my services. I mean, I'm not going to bend the rules for the sake of not appearing rude, but I do realize that somewhere down the line this will cause me to lose business here and there. However, in the end my intent is to serve God by strengthening marriages so I am not worried about the occasional lost sale.
I DO hope boudoir bookings will pick up and I can possibly replace my substitute income with this sort of thing, as it is much less of a time-suck. (I think to replace my income I only need between six and ten clients a month.) And I LOVE doing this, which is much better than being disrespected by teenagers and sometimes feeling like I barely survived the day at the high schools!
To John: I am so excited about our growing family--who knew when we met at that bbq ten years ago that we'd be married with a beautiful boy (and another on the way)!
To Jack: I love this time with you, just Mommy & her precious boy, playing games, running through the sprinklers and eating pb&j's together. I love cuddling you and spending time with you, even when you are desperately trying to snatch the mouse from me like right now. I love you, punkin pie.
To my little growing one: I can't believe I get another opportunity to be a mama! I am so excited to see you, to feel you, to have a little one grunting and rooting to nurse, to give baby baths to and deeply take in that delicious newborn smell! Being pregnant with your big brother taught me all the little surprises that come with pregnancy and new mamahood, but I think I can enjoy this time even more with you, since I know what things I most look forward to enjoying again! I want to just stare at you, watch your sleep, enjoy nursing a little one again, search for nearly microscopic baby socks in piles of laundry and NOT WORRY AS MUCH! I am already in love with loving you!
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